


As You Wish

by gluupor



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Princess Bride Fusion, F/M, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-07-16
Packaged: 2018-07-22 10:53:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7433942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gluupor/pseuds/gluupor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Hello," he said to the no-nosed man. "My name is Sirius Black. You killed my brother. Prepare to die."</p><p>A Marauders Princess Bride AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Bride

**Author's Note:**

> The plot closely follows that of The Princess Bride by William Goldman. Many line of dialogue and descriptions are also taken verbatim from that book. Additionally, several lines of dialogue and descriptions are taken from the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling.

Lily Evans did not care for such unimportant things such as who was the most beautiful woman in the world. It was entirely subjective, she figured. Who would even have seen every woman in the world? How could it possibly matter if someone was second most beautiful versus fifth most beautiful? She knew that in some circles she was considered beautiful, with her gorgeous curves, dark red hair and emerald green eyes. On the other hand, some people believed that her ginger hair indicated she didn’t have a soul. The long and short of it was that it did not impact her life, beyond the fact that several straight boys and not-so-straight girls from the village became tongue tied and awkward around her when she smiled.

No, what Lily cared about most was riding her horse, hanging out with her friends, defending the oppressed from their oppressors, and taking that arrogant James Potter down a peg or two.

James Potter was what was wrong with the world, Lily figured.  _ He _ would probably go around ranking women on their beauty. Just because he was quite attractive, and smart, and rich did not mean he should be able to walk around their village acting like he was king of the world and bullying whoever crossed his path.

Once, when they had been children, Lily had come across James and a group of other village boys yelling angry words at the departing back of a lanky boy with greasy black hair that she did not know.

“Leave him ALONE! What is going on here?” she demanded. Many of the boys backed away from her as she was known to have a quick temper and did not pull her punches.

“All right, Evans?” James said, his free hand immediately going up to run through his hair.

“What’s he done to you?”

“Well,” said James, “he exists.  _ Snivellus _ . He’s from Spinner’s End. He said that we were all useless commoners who would be killed when he got his just desserts!”

“Yeah!” piped up one of the other boys, “And then he called us filthy and the ‘m’ word!”

Lily was taken aback. She knew that almost nobody in their small village was capable of magic and that the ‘m’ word, mudblood, was a derogatory way for magic users to refer to non-magic users. It was unexpected that the unknown boy had been a magic user. She, herself, was certainly not capable of magic as that was confined to people who had noble blood.

“What does that matter to you, Potter? You’re also a magic user. You’ve probably called all of us the ‘m’ word.”

“What?” yelped James, “I’d NEVER call you a - you-know-what!”

“You think you’re so great and important! You’re nothing but an arrogant, bullying toerag. Messing up your hair because you think it makes you look cool! You should go dunk your head in the rain barrel!”

James blinked at her before grinning. “As you wish,” he said, before turning, striding to the rain barrel and dunking his head in.

This was probably the thing about James Potter that irritated Lily the most. Whenever she gave him a command or suggestion he would just smile at her, say “As you wish,” and then go and do whatever she had said. He was seriously lacking a backbone, she decided. James was the wealthiest boy in their village of Godric’s Hollow. The village sat directly on the Slytherin-Gryffindor border and had changed sovereignty many times. It was currently under Slytherin rule, but many Gryffindor families still lived in the area. The Potters were originally descended from the royal house of Gryffindor but now lived comfortably on James’ father vast fortune from the invention of several hair care products. James was one of the only people around who was capable of learning to use magic and he had crowds of admirers in the village so why would he never argue with her commands?

She tried to give him many ridiculous commands to see if he would ever oppose her, but he never did. He always just answered “As you wish,” and went off to do what she had said. It took her several years to grasp the usefulness of this situation. By then she had gotten him to stop bullying and start defending the younger children against other bullies. He also helped her take care of her horses and deliver supplies to those people who were less fortunate in their village. Lily had definitely begun enjoying her time spent with James and was surprised to realize that he was probably her best friend. It was not until catastrophe struck that she realized that she was in love with him.

“Have you heard the news?” Lily’s friend Mary rushed into Lily’s sitting room one late summer day. “It’s so exciting!”

“No, what’s happened?” asked Lily.

“It’s James Potter! Apparently his parents are sending him to Hogwarts for study so that he can get married!”

Lily’s heart seemed to stutter in her chest. “Married?” she asked. “He’s getting  _ married? _ ”

“That’s the rumour!” Mary chirped happily, “Apparently he’s been betrothed to the princess of Ravenclaw since he was born.”

“And now he’s going to Hogwarts?” clarified Lily.

“Yes! He has to get his magic trained before he’ll be able to marry.”

Lily felt ill. She had always just assumed that James would be around doing whatever she asked of him. He’d never done anyone else’s bidding and she’d thought that some part of him was for her alone. But, no, apparently he’d known that he was marrying someone else. He’d go to Hogwarts and then to Ravenclaw and do as someone else wished. The princess of Ravenclaw would say “Potter, go and brush my horse and then sing him a lullaby,” and James would respond “As you wish,” and go and  _ do it _ . And all along James had known!

Now Lily was very angry. How had James let her believe that he was hers if he knew he was betrothed? How could he leave her? Did he not realize that Lily loved him? To be fair, she had only realized she loved him a few hours ago but he  _ should have known _ . Lily marched across the village to the Potter household and banged on the door, ready to unleash a flood of angry words at James. But when he answered to door all her anger disappeared. He was too perfect.

“I love you,” Lily said. “I know this may come as a surprise, since all I’ve ever done is scorn you and give you commands and call you a toerag, but I believe that I have loved you for several years now. And I know that you are betrothed and that the princess of Ravenclaw is likely more skilled, and wise, and kind than I am, but please know that I love you more than she possibly can. Please tell me there is still a chance for you to return my love?”

James blinked at her like a confused owl. “Betrothed?” he asked. “ _ Betrothed? _ ”

Lily bristled. “I pour my heart out to you and all you can do you is repeat that you are betrothed like some demented parrot?” She turned to leave.

“No, Lily, wait -” started James, snapping out of his stupor and starting to follow her, “I was just confused. I’m not betrothed to anyone, definitely not a princess! I love you too!”

Lily stopped. “You mean to say that you were  _ lying about getting married _ to get me to confess my feelings?”

“What? No! That’s completely insane. That literally  _ does not make any sense _ . Please start making sense again. Tell me you love me again. I love you, I’ve always loved you. Why do you think I do all those things you tell me to do? Do you think I like singing lullabies to your horse? I just do it to make you happy!”

“So you do love me?”

James couldn’t believe it. “Do I love you? If your love was a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches.”

“That’s very sappy and ridiculous. There’s no objective way to measure love.”

“I have stayed here in Godric’s Hollow because of you. I love you. I have changed the way I act because of you. I love you. I have lived my life with the prayer that you may one day look upon me with affection. I love you. I have not known a moment when the sight of you did not send my heart careening against my rib cage … do you want me to go on? I love you.”

“Are you teasing me now? Are you sure it’s me you love?”

“I’ve been telling you for so long but you’ve never heard me. Every time I’ve said ‘As you wish’ what I’ve really meant was ‘I love you’. You were just not hearing me correctly.”

“I hear you now, and I promise you this: I will never love anyone else. Only you. Until I die. Please do not go to Hogwarts.”

James groaned. “This will have to be the first time I don’t do as you command. I must go and learn to use my magic productively; until I do I can’t marry you. I’m sailing away tomorrow. It will only be a year and then I’ll send for you or return here and we can be married. Please know that I don’t wish to leave you but it is necessary.”

Lily nodded. She knew it was imperative for magic users to train their skills so that their society would be able to benefit from magic. “I worry that something will befall you. Promise me you’ll return.”

“Of course I’ll return! How could you ever believe otherwise? I’ll be fine, I promise.”

“But how can you know for sure?”

“Lily, this is True Love. Do you think this happens every day? I will always come for you.”

“All right,” she sighed. Then she steeled herself, “Potter, kiss me.”

James smiled at her softly, stepped towards her, and cupped her cheek with his palm. “As you wish.”

**********

When the news came that the ship that James was sailing on to Hogwarts had been attacked by the Dread Pirate “Mad-eye” Moody and that there were no survivors, Lily went into her room and shut the door and stayed there alone for several days. When she emerged her parents were anxious about her state of mind but found her looking surprisingly calm.

“Are you alright?” her mother asked nervously.

Lily nodded. “I will be,” she replied. There was a very long pause. “But I will never love again.”


	2. The Groom

Prince Half-Blood was not an evil man. He was, however, selfish and cruel. His true name was Severus Snape and he had not always been a prince. His mother was a member of the royal family of Slytherin but had married a commoner. She had always claimed that she had done so out of love but the only love Snape could detect between his parents was bitter and poisonous.

Princess Eileen was disowned after her disastrous marriage and she and her small family had left the capital and moved to a small village called Spinner’s End near the Slytherin-Gryffindor border. Her husband, Tobias, had not married her out of love but out of a misplaced idea that he would eventually become King of Slytherin. His anger at becoming a poor country farmer was often directed as his wife and child. The young Snape hated his own powerlessness against his father and vowed that he would one day become the most powerful man in the kingdom. He placed incredible importance on his matrilineal family heritage and felt that he was owed for his terrible childhood.

As a descendant of the royal family, Snape was proficient in magic unlike most commoners. He was particularly interested in the power found in dark magic. He often spent time scouring the surrounding forest for flora and fauna that would be useful for his spells and potions. The possession of rare, dangerous, or beautiful plants and animals made him feel powerful and significant and soon his large collection reflected his self-perceived importance.

While searching the forest, Snape often observed other children from both his village and the neighbouring village of Godric’s Hollow. Snape did not like other children. He found them useless to his goals of reclaiming his family honour and was angered when they ignored or ridiculed him when he informed them of this fact. He especially did not like the dark skinned, hedgehog-haired menace James Potter. 

The other resident of Godric’s Hollow that Snape noticed was an extremely beautiful red haired girl. He watched her for weeks from the shelter of the edge of the forest. She was extremely kind and seemed to enjoy helping and defending those weaker or less fortunate than herself. Snape wanted to possess her, to add her to his growing collection of rare, beautiful objects, but he knew that in his current situation he could never hope to own her. He would come back to claim her when he was king.

One day when Snape was out on his own in the forest, an extremely rare and venomous snake from his collection escaped its enclosure and killed his father. His mother was extremely relieved and decided to move them back to the capital to beg for forgiveness from her parents. As it happened, the crown prince, her brother, had recently perished in a hunting accident leaving her the only trueborn child of the king and queen. The king and queen, left with no other heirs, reinstated the Princess Eileen and made Snape the heir.

The other noble families looked down on Snape for his father’s commonality and nicknamed him Prince Half-Blood. He took up the moniker willingly because he would one day rule the kingdom of Slytherin and he was better than everyone else despite his heritage. He was owed respect and loyalty. The only member of the royal court that Snape actually liked was the Lord Voldemort. The Lord was also a half-blood of noble descent on his mother’s side and was equally interested in studying the dark arts.

To house his ever growing collection of plants and animals Snape built the Zoo of Death. It was a five story underground structure that housed all his unique, deadly and beautiful belongings. Snape was very possessive of his collection; he did not allow others to look at, touch, or approach anything he viewed as his. Only himself and Lord Voldemort were allowed entry, with the only exception being the albino caretaker (Lucius Malfoy was not actually albino, he simply had pale skin and hair; however, he claimed he was albino as that made him rare and therefore valuable to Prince Half-Blood). The fifth level of the Zoo of Death was kept empty and available for research; Snape and Voldemort were interested in studying new curses and immortality.

Snape was currently testing out a new pain curse on an orangutan when he was interrupted by Lord Voldemort.

“There is news,” he said.

“What news? Cannot it wait? I am in the middle of an experiment.”

“No, my prince,” apologized Lord Voldemort. “I’m afraid it’s rather urgent.”

“Alright, what is it?”

“Your grandfather the king has taken ill and is dying. Your mother has stated you must marry when he dies and you become king.”

The prince smiled slowly, exposing his crooked yellow teeth. “Excellent,” he said. “I know just the woman.”

**********

It was just after dawn when Snape and Lord Voldemort arrived on horseback to the outskirts of Godric’s Hollow. They stopped atop a hill overlooking the small village.

“Are you certain that you want a common mudblood as a bride, my prince?” asked Lord Voldemort.

“Yes,” replied the prince. “I watched her when we were children and she is uncommon and kind and beautiful. I wish her for my prize.”

“Very well. I will attempt to curtail the snickers at court that suggest that she is the best you can do.”

At that moment Lily came into view walking along a path in the village carrying a basket. The sun was rising and her red hair glinted gold in the early morning sunlight.

“Oh,” said Voldemort. “No one will snicker, I think.”

“I will court her now,” said Snape as he started to ride towards her. “Leave us alone for a minute.”

Lily startled as the hook-nosed man rode up to her. She had never seen such a handsome horse nor any member of the royal family.

“I am Prince Half-Blood and you will marry me,” demanded Snape.

“I refuse,” whispered Lily. “I love another.”

“Refusal means death. For both you and your love.”

“He is already dead,” Lily replied, “but I cannot marry. Marriage involves love and I have sworn never to love again.”

“You can either marry me and be the richest and most powerful woman in Slytherin and help the less fortunate, or you and all of your loved ones can die in terrible pain in the very near future. It’s up to you.”

“I’ll never love you.”

“It doesn’t matter. You’ll belong to me,” Snape said. “That’s good enough.”


	3. The Announcement

The great square outside the palace of Slytherin was filled to capacity with excited subjects waiting to meet the woman who would be their new queen. Rumours had spread for the past several months about how the Prince Half-Blood, despite his sallow skin, yellow teeth, greasy hair and cold, black eyes, was to be married to a beautiful, kind woman. Whether this woman was capable of loving such a bitter, cruel man or whether she was simply a gold digger was a subject of hot debate.

Inside the palace an argument was taking place.

“I wish to walk among them!” cried Lily. “They have been waiting around for hours just to see me. I should give them what they want.”

“They are commoners,” dismissed Snape. “What they want is not important. What if someone harms you? I do not want you talking with anyone other than me. We do not walk among commoners unless it is unavoidable.”

“That is ridiculous! I am going to be their queen. I belong to them more than I belong to you. Besides, I have known only commoners until I came here; I do not think they will harm me.”

“This conversation is over.”

“Yes,” agreed Lily. “It is.” With that she left the company of the prince and walked out into the square.

The crowd gasped as one and then fell into awed silence. Lily walked among the people, shaking hands, smiling, comforting. The crowd parted before her, letting her pass back and forth across the square.

Most of the people there instantly adored her. She was truly beautiful and seemed genuine and kind. Some people, of course, were withholding judgment until they could assess her true quality as a queen. And, obviously, there were a few people who were jealous. No one hated her.

Only three of the people there were planning her abduction.

And the man in black was quietly watching and waiting and wanting.

**********

That evening Lily took her horse for a ride so that she could be alone to think about her predicament. Obviously she did not love her husband-to-be. But she was not even sure that she could ever even grow to like him. She did not know him very well; he spent most of his time conducting experiments in his so-called Zoo of Death. All the man knew was hate and even though he professed that he cared for her, she knew that he simply saw her as a prize that he was owed for having had a difficult childhood.

There were two main problems that she was pondering that evening. First, was it wrong to marry without love, or even like? And secondly, was it too late to stop her wedding?

The answers, of course, were 1) no, and 2) yes. It was not wrong to marry someone you didn’t like, but it wasn’t particularly right. At least it was not the way for most of the world. But she hadn’t really been given a choice. Well, yes, she’d been offered marriage or death, which she supposed was a choice. She had chosen marriage so now there was no going back. At least she would have power and riches to make life a little better for the commoners of Slytherin.

As she started down a small path leading to the Black Lake, a very large lake that lay between Slytherin and Gryffindor, she came across a trio of men. The man in front was quite short and fat, with limp blonde hair and watery blue eyes. His features were quite rat-like. On his left was a shabbily dressed, tall, brown-haired man, with eyes the colour of dry white wine. He had several vicious-looking scratches across his face. On the other side of the rat-like man was a stunningly handsome man with long, black hair and almond-shaped grey eyes.

“A word?” the rat-like man asked, raising his arms to get her attention. A sweet, innocent smile appeared on his face.

Lily halted and gestured for him to go on.

“We are but poor, lost circus performers,” explained the rat-like man. “Is there a village nearby that might enjoy our skills?”

“You do not look like circus performers,” Lily argued. “What are your talents?”

“Well, we may not look like much, but this man over here,” said the rat-like man gesturing towards the handsome man, “is a wizard from the north of Slytherin, and this other man is a werewolf!”

Lily eyed the werewolf suspiciously. All her life she had heard stories about the savagery of werewolves; they could shift into monsters on a whim, were stronger than ten men, were immune to magical attacks, and could change humans into their kind with a single bite. This man did not seem overly hostile; he had a mild, vaguely friendly expression on his face.

“Please, my lady,” the werewolf said, “I am not dangerous. We do not wish anyone any harm.”

“Well that’s not precisely true,” interrupted the wizard. “We are here to kidnap her, after all.”

The innocent smile slipped from the rat-like man’s face as he turned to glare at the wizard. Lily turned her horse to start to gallop away when she heard the wizard say “Oops.  _ Stupefy! _ ” and that was all she remembered.

**********

Lily woke to the sound of water lapping against the side of a boat. She knew that they must be crossing the Black Lake. Without daring to think about her plan, she threw herself overboard and began to swim underwater away from the boat. When she surfaced she could hear the rat-like man calling her from the boat.

“Princess, think about all the things that live in the lake. Sharks, shrieking eels, mermen, grindylows … I could go on. We are not going to harm you, we are only taking you for ransom. The residents of the lake will not be so kind.”

Lily paused. All she could think about now was the unknown depths below her and what may be coming for her. But, no, she could not return to the boat. She turned to swim away when she felt something brush past her leg. She held in a scream and then she was suddenly lifted from below back into the boat. She glanced around, confused.

“Ah, I see you met the giant squid,” said the rat-like man. “I suppose you consider yourself brave?”

“Only compared to some,” replied Lily.

“Well,” said the werewolf, who approached her now to wrap her in a blanket, “you definitely have some Gryffindor courage in you.”

They continued sailing towards the cliffs in the distance when the wizard suddenly asked, “No one could be following us yet?”

“No one,” the rat-like man assured him. “That would be inconceivable. No one in Slytherin could have come after us so quickly.” There was a pause. “Why do you ask?”

“Oh, no reason,” answered the wizard. “It’s just that I looked back and someone is there.”

Everyone turned quickly. There was, indeed, a boat with black sails heading towards them from a distance.

“It’s probably just someone out for a pleasure cruise … alone at night … through giant squid territory,” assured the rat-like man.

“There’s probably a more logical explanation,” replied the werewolf.

“Yes, that someone is  _ following us _ .” said the wizard.

“I’ve told you that it’s inconceivable that anyone would know what we’ve done. He is definitely not, however much it may look like it, following us. It is a coincidence and nothing more,” concluded the rat-like man.

“He’s gaining on us,” observed the werewolf.

“That is also inconceivable!” spit the rat-like man.

“I wonder if he is using the same wind that we are using?” wondered the wizard.

“He’s not gaining on us,” insisted the rat-like man.

“You’re right,” said the werewolf in a sarcastic yet conciliatory manner, “he’s just getting closer, that’s all.”

“It doesn’t matter,” said the rat-like man. “We are almost at the cliffs now, and it is inconceivable that anyone but us will be able to climb them.”

Lily kept watch on the black sails of the boat following them. For some reason she could not explain those sails frightened her a great deal more than the three men who had kidnapped her. Despite the fact that she had come along unwillingly she had begun to enjoy the adventure she was having. It certainly was better than hanging out in the castle with Prince Half-Blood and Lord Voldemort all evening.

Their boat reached the base of the cliff where there was a thick, strong rope hanging from the top of the cliff. Lily stared in silent astonishment. She was not sure what she had assumed when the rat-like man had stated that they were going to climb the cliff, but she definitely hadn’t thought that they were going to  _ climb _ the  _ cliff _ . That would be the most inconceivable thing to happen yet.

The wizard attached a harness to the torso of the werewolf, and then strapped Lily and himself to it. The rat-like man attached himself to the other side of the harness and the werewolf began to climb.  _ Oh, that’s right _ , thought Lily,  _ werewolves are strong _ .

Up the werewolf climbed, arm over arm, steadily climbing the rope towards the cliff edge above. The rat-like man was watching the black-sailed boat. It was still approaching the cliff bottom at a fast pace.

“Faster!” he urged.

“Sorry,” apologized the werewolf. “Could you tell me please if we’re halfway yet?”

“A little over, I think,” replied the wizard, who was also watching the approaching boat. “You’re doing wonderfully, Remus.”

“Thank you,” said the werewolf.

“Oh no,” said the wizard, “the boat has reached the cliff bottom. A man dressed all in black has jumped onto our rope; he’s starting to climb up after us.”

“He’ll never catch up!” crowed the rat-like man triumphantly. “That would be inconceivable.”

“You keep using that word,” pointed out the wizard. “I don’t think it means what you think it means.”

“I think you probably mean to use the word ‘unlikely’,” supplied the werewolf. “How fast is the man climbing?”

“He’s gaining on us,” complained the rat-like man. “You were supposed to be the strongest of the strong! I thought you were supposed to be an almighty monster, but yet he gains!”

“Don’t call him a monster!” cut in the wizard angrily. “He’s carrying three people, while the man in black has only himself -”

“Excuses are the refuge of cowards,” the rat-like man interrupted. “Faster, Remus.”    

Remus climbed faster. He put all thoughts out of his mind and simply focused on putting one arm over the other as quickly as possible. Finally, they reached the top, and pulled themselves up. Lily could only lay shaking on the ground; it turned out that she did not like heights.

The rat-like man grabbed a dirk from his belt and started cutting the rope. The man in black was three quarters of the way up the cliff and rising rapidly.

“Seems a shame,” said Remus. “Such a good climber deserves better than to fall.”

Just then the rat-like man succeeded in cutting the rope. It slithered like a serpent to the edge of the cliff and then went over. The three men shared a glance and then went to the cliff edge to look over. The man in black was still three quarters of the way up the cliff hanging on to the sheer rock face.

“Inconceivable!” cried the rat-like man.

The wizard turned to him, “Stop saying that word! It was inconceivable that anyone could be following us, but there was the man in black! It was inconceivable that anyone could be sailing faster than us, but there was the man in black! It was inconceivable that anyone else could climb the rope, but there was the man in black! Now it is inconceivable that he could survive when you cut the rope, but look! He’s there and he’s starting to climb!”

The man in black was, indeed, climbing. Slowly, of course, but he was beginning to scale the cliff face.

The rat-like man glared at the wizard, “I am the leader of our group and that is because I have a very keen mind. When I tell you something is inconceivable that is not guesswork; it is fact. So the fact is that the man in black is  _ not _ following us. The most logical explanation is that he is an ordinary sailor who dabbles in mountain climbing as a hobby and happens to have the same general destination that we do.”

The wizard looked flabbergasted and opened his mouth several times like he was about the speak and then turned helplessly to the werewolf.

“ _ That’s  _ the most logical explanation?” asked Remus. “That he’s an ordinary sailor who dabbles in mountain climbing? I’m not sure you’re applying Occam’s razor properly, Peter.”

“It doesn’t matter,” replied Peter. “My explanation satisfies me and it should satisfy you. The man in black is not following us, but he has seen us kidnapping the future queen and one of you must stay behind to kill him. Remus, you’re needed to carry the girl,” he turned towards the wizard. “We’re heading directly for the other side of the Forbidden Forest. Catch up as quickly as you can once he’s dead.”

The wizard nodded and turned towards Remus.

“Catch up quickly,” said Remus. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

“When have I ever done anything stupid? Farewell, Remus.”

“Don’t make me answer that. Just be safe. Farewell, Sirius.” The werewolf then picked up Lily, who was still suffering vertigo and nausea from the climb, and took off down the path after Peter leaving Sirius alone to wait for the man in black.


	4. Sirius

In the far north of the kingdom of Slytherin, close to the Hufflepuff border, there was a mountain range that contained very little except the tiny village of Grimmauld. There wasn’t much remarkable or memorable about this village except that it was the birthplace of Salazar Slytherin, the first monarch of the kingdom. Many within the village claimed kinship with King Salazar but only one family carried the ability to use magic and that family was the Blacks.

Sirius Black was the elder son of Walburga and Orion Black. Despite both his parents suffering from the mental instability common within their inbred family, Sirius and his younger brother Regulus had had relatively happy childhoods. They were cared for mainly by their housekeeper, Kreacher, as their mother’s favourite pastime was arguing with the family portraits and their father mostly enjoyed making explosions in his study.

Sirius and Regulus spent many of their days exploring the surroundings of their small mountainous village. They knew every natural wonder around them, from the valleys to the caves to the hot springs to the mountain tops. When the weather did not permit them to explore outside they spent hours searching their own large house. Many objects of fascination were located in their home: an unpleasant silver instrument, something like a many-legged pair of tweezers, a musical box that emitted a faintly sinister, tinkling tune when wound, a heavy locket which could not be opened, many ancient seals, and an umbrella stand shaped like a troll’s leg. There was also old jewelry and photographs and old parchment carrying weather reports from hundreds of years in the past. There was always somewhere to explore in the large, dusty rooms.

One day a man wearing a mask came to their house to speak with Sirius and Regulus. He introduced himself as a lord who had recently finished his magical studies at Hogwarts.

“I am looking for a certain locket,” the lord told them. “It is gold and has a serpentine S inlay of green stones. It is believed to have originally belonged to King Salazar. I am working as a curator for the Borgin and Burke Museum and we are interested in displaying this locket.”

The two boys looked at one another and shrugged, “I think I know what you’re talking about,” said Sirius. “I think it was in one of the drawing rooms of the third floor.”

“Oh, excellent!” said the lord. “Would you mind looking for it? Also, I have heard stories in the village that you two boys know the surrounding terrain better than anyone else. I am also looking for a cave where I could potentially hide a magical object.”

Sirius perked up at that, “A magical object? Why would it need to be hidden?”

“It is not important. Simply a test for wizards. You need not concern yourself with it.”

A wizard, Sirius knew, was the highest possible rank that a magic user could achieve. He had no interest in becoming one himself; he knew he would eventually have to go train his magic but he did not have the motivation required for the years of study he would have to undergo to become a wizard. 

“Are you a wizard?” he asked, breathlessly. “Do you know how to duel?”

“Of course I do. Now, do you know a suitable location? It must be quite unknown and difficult to access.”

Again the boys looked at one another and shrugged, “The cave across the lake in the northern valley would probably be a good location,” suggested Regulus.

The lord seemed pleased with this answer and requested that Regulus show him this cave while Sirius searched for the locket.

“Make sure you take note of all the things he does in the cave,” Sirius whispered to Regulus before he departed to the cave. “Maybe we’ll be able to break in and steal the magical object!”

When the lord and Regulus returned from the trip to the cave, the lord was quite excited, “It’s perfect!” he said, “I have to return once more to get everything ready. Do you have that locket?”

Sirius had, indeed, found the locket and gave it to the lord, whose eyes seemed to gleam red behind his mask in pleasure. He made plans to return the following day so that Regulus could again escort him into the cave.

Sirius was making plans. “Ok,” he told Regulus. “Tomorrow I will follow you and the lord stealthily so that I can watch what preparations he is making to the cave. What do you think the magical object is going to be? Do you really think that we will need to be wizards in order to recover it?”

“I don’t know,” answered Regulus. “I’m not sure the lord is a nice man. Maybe we should stay away from the object? At least until we’ve undergone some magical training.”

The following day the lord returned and Regulus led him back to the cave with Sirius following quietly behind and making note of all magical spells the lord performed. Once they reached the back of the cave, the lord carved a pedestal out of a rock using magic and placed a basin upon it. He then took the locket that Sirius had given him the day before, cast a spell on it so that it was glowing and then turned his wand on Regulus, “ _ Avada kedavra _ .”

Regulus fell like a puppet whose strings had been cut and lay motionless with sightless eyes staring blankly. A red mist moved from the lord’s body to the locket.

Sirius screamed. He could not believe it; it had not happened. The lord whirled around at his scream and laughed cruelly at him, “You are not supposed to be here. Let this be a lesson to not meddle in things that do not concern you. Leave now. Enough of your family is dead for one day.”

“No!” screamed Sirius. “I, Sirius Black, do challenge you, coward, to a duel! Draw!”

The lord laughed, “You are a child and I am a wizard. Do not be a fool. Be content with your life.”

“I will be content when you are dead, now  _ draw _ !”

As Sirius did not even have a wand, the duel was quick; however, the lord was a little uneasy for Sirius’ talent was evident. Before being bound, Sirius had managed to hit the lord in the face with a hex which destroyed his mask. The man did not have a nose, Sirius noticed in shock.

“You are weak,” the no-nosed man said, “and I am going to leave you with a reminder of your failure.  _ Sectumsempra! _ ” Many cuts opened on Sirius’ arms and chest and began to pour blood.

“You’re the one who is weak,” gasped Sirius. “You will never know love or friendship. And I feel sorry for you.” Sirius then collapsed on the ground to wait for death so that he could see Regulus again.

**********

Sirius woke in his bedroom. Kreacher had gone looking for the boys when they did not return and had reached Sirius before he had succumb to his injuries. As soon as his cuts had healed Sirius left the village of Grimmauld. He had found his motivation to become a wizard. The scars on his body reminded him of his failure to protect his brother. He had his plan carefully prepared in his mind. He would become the best duellist. He would find the no-nosed man. He would go up to him. He would say simply, “Hello, my name is Sirius Black, you killed my brother, prepare to die,” and he would avenge Regulus. 

For many long years he studied. He travelled to all corners of the world and studied under all proficient magic users that he could find until he was the greatest duellist in the lands. 

He learned that the reason that the lord had killed Regulus was to create a magical object called a horcrux. These vile objects could only be created following the murder of a child. As long as this object existed the lord was immortal, so Sirius returned to his home village of Grimmauld. He broke the enchantments surrounding the cave but the locket that had claimed his brother’s life was almost impossible to access.

“It is being kept submerged under a potion,” he explained to Kreacher that evening. “The potion is surely poisonous and I can’t think of any other way to dispose of it other than drinking it.”

Kreacher was silent for several minutes. Then he spoke quietly, “In order to avenge Master Regulus this locket must be destroyed?”

“Yes,” agreed Sirius. “The lord cannot be killed while this locket exists. According to my research the lord may have made other similar objects and I need the locket in order to find the others.”

“Then I will drink the potion.”

Sirius was stunned. “It will kill you.”

“I am willing to die so that the man who murdered Regulus can be caught and killed.”   

Upon seeing that the old man was steadfast in his decision, Sirius agreed to the plan. They made their way back to the cave, Kreacher drank the potion, and Sirius was able to acquire the locket.

He took the locket to the great wizard Albus Dumbledore who was able to use the magical power of legilimency on the locket to find objects of a similar nature.

Sirius travelled far and wide collecting the other horcruxes. He found Queen Rowena’s diadem deep in the Dark Forest of Ravenclaw. He found the healing cup of Queen Helga guarded by a dragon in the underground nation of Gringotts. He found the ring of Cadmus Peverell, the first known wizard, buried in a grave in a little town called Hangleton. He found the diary of Tom Riddle, a powerful necromancer, in a basilisk nest under the Myrtle waterfalls. He returned these objects to Albus Dumbledore so that they could be destroyed.

“I know that there is one more horcrux,” Dumbledore told Sirius, “But there are great protections around it. I can’t tell its location; not even what part of the world it is in. I think it may be a living object. It is likely that the lord keeps it close to himself. If you find him, you’ll likely find the final horcrux.” 

So Sirius began to track down the no-nosed man.

It had never occurred to him that there would be the least difficulty in finding this man. How many no-nosed men could there be? He figured it would be the talk of whatever his vicinity happened to be. But no, in every place he travelled he would ask “Pardon, but have you seen any noble lords without noses recently?” and the answer was always negative.

After several years of searching he began to worry. What if he never found the man? Would he fail Regulus forever? In his despair he began to require a few extra glasses of firewhiskey at night to help him sleep. Then he needed a few glasses at lunch to help him digest. Then he required the firewhiskey to help wake him up in the morning. His carefully constructed revenge plan was collapsing into failure. Not only that but duelling was beginning to bore him.

In each new place he visited he paid his bills by challenging the local duelling champion to a duel which he invariably won. No one was close to his equal. There was no one to help him keep his edge. His whole life and reason for existing was beginning to feel pointless. He had become a shell, a mere shadow of the person that he had been.

He was in a tavern in the Ravenclaw city of Helena at the bottom of a barrel of firewhiskey when Peter Pettigrew found him.

Peter explained that he was putting together a criminal organization. Peter was a keen observer of human nature. Often overlooked, he was able to sit outside of the fray and observe until he had enough information to manipulate events as he saw fit. With his keen mind and Sirius’ duelling talent, Peter explained, they would form the most effective criminal organization in the civilized world. All they were missing was someone with strength and magical immunity and Peter had heard word of a werewolf that they could recruit. And when they were striking fear into the hearts of the underworld they could listen for whispers of the existence of a no-nosed lord.

Sirius had purpose again and he knew that he owed it to Peter. He had picked him up off the street and introduced him to Remus. Without him Sirius knew he would likely be begging for firewhiskey in dirty alleys. So Sirius did as Peter asked. And Peter had said that the man in black had to die.

**********

Patience was not one of Sirius’ many virtues. He paced the top of the cliff waiting for the man in black to complete his climb. He kept returning to the edge of the cliff to check on the man’s progress but it was very slow. Maybe he could encourage the man to climb faster?

“Hello there,” Sirius called down the cliff to the man in black. “Slow going? I don’t suppose you could speed things up a bit?”

“Look, I don’t mean to be rude,” the man in black grunted, “but I’m rather busy just now, so could you please try not to distract me?”

“Sorry,” apologized Sirius, “It’s just that I’m waiting for you to get up here. Are you  _ sure _ you can’t climb any faster?”

“If it’s really that important to you, you could lower a rope or a tree branch or find some other useful thing to do.”

“Oh,” said Sirius, “I didn’t think of that. Would you really accept my help? I am waiting up here to kill you, after all.”

“That does put a damper on our relationship,” said the man in black agreeably. “I guess you’ll just have to wait.”

Sirius kicked at the ground. He hated waiting. Three seconds later he had an idea, “I could give you my word as a Slytherin that I’ll not kill you until you reach the top.”

“No good. I’ve known too many Slytherins, myself among them.”

“I hate waiting. I’m going crazy up here.”

“I’d be willing to change places with you, if you want.”

Sirius paced some more and then went back to check on the man in black again. He couldn’t believe his eyes, “Are you  _ resting? _ ”

“It’s been a long day,” explained the man in black. “I’ll just rest for about 10 minutes, then I can resume my climb.”

“10 minutes? No, that’s no good. Okay, look, I still have rope up here from our climb. I’ll just lower it down and you can climb up faster.”

“How do I know you’ll not just let the rope fall? You’ve done that once to me already, after all.”

“That wasn’t me! I’ve been instructed to kill you, yes, but I’ll do it face to face in a duel with honour! Is there no way you would trust me?”

“Nothing comes to mind,” admitted the man in black.

“I swear on the soul of my brother, Regulus Black, that you will reach the top alive.”

The man in black looked up at Sirius and nodded. “Lower the rope.”

Sirius threw the rope down and the man in black climbed to the top of the cliff. He then went to draw his wand for a duel, but Sirius put up his hand to stop him, “We can wait until you’re a little less winded from the climb.”

Sirius studied the man in black. He had dark, grizzled grey hair and a wooden leg, which made his climbing abilities even more impressive.

“Do you have a nose?” Sirius blurted out. “It’s just that my brother was murdered by a man without a nose.” 

The man in black stared at him for a couple of seconds before removing his mask. He looked as though his face was roughly carved from wood. It was covered with scars, and although a chunk of his nose was missing it was not completely absent. He had one was small, dark eye while the other was a vivid, electric blue magical eye that moved around independently from his normal eye.

Sirius nodded. “You have most of your nose. Do you know of any men without noses?”

“I do not,” answered the man in black, “But surely a man without a nose would not be difficult to locate?”

“You wouldn’t think so,” agreed Sirius, “But I have not had any luck yet.”

“Well I wish you all the luck on your search,” said the man in black. “I’ve regained my breath now. Thank you for allowing me to rest.”

“I guess we’d better get on with the duel, then,” said Sirius, “You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.”

“You seem a decent fellow,” answered the man in black. “I hate to die.”

The duel began. Sirius was amazed; it had been years since anyone had come close to his skill level, but this man was dodging his attacks and sending strong attacks back towards him. In fact, Sirius realized, this man may be better than he was. His years of dulling his senses with alcohol had decreased his reaction time and although it was a masterfully fought battle, the man in black eventually succeeded in breaching his defenses and disarming him.

“You are a true wizard and one of the greatest duellists of our time,” said the man in black.

“Thank you. It has not come without effort. You are amazing.”

“I have worked very hard to become so.”

“Who are you?”

“No one of import.”

“I must know!”

“Get used to disappointment. Did the others head towards the Forbidden Forest?”

“I’ll not tell you where to find them,” protested Sirius.

“Loyalty to your friends is an admirable quality, but wasted in this case. I am able to track them easily.”

“Please do not kill the brown-haired man when you catch them,” Sirius requested. He then sighed and put his hands behind his head, “Kill me quickly.”

“I’m not going to kill you at all,” said the man in black, “But I can’t have you following me, either. Please understand that I hold you in the highest regard.  _ Stupefy! _ ”

The man in black bound Sirius to a nearby tree and placed his wand within reach. He then raced towards his quarry where, unbeknownst to him, a werewolf waited to kill him.


	5. Remus

There was nothing special about Remus Lupin when he was born. Apart from the fact that his parents had really committed to the whole wolf theme when naming him, he was a completely average baby. He was an average size, he slept an average amount, he began walking and talking at the average age, and he had an average number of friends. All in all his childhood was completely average.

Until the notorious werewolf Fenrir Greyback decided that Lyall Lupin and Hope Howell from the village of Wolfsburg should be taught a lesson about tempting fate.

Remus did not remember much of the attack. It had happened on a completely average day but when he woke up afterwards his averageness was gone forever. Now he was a monster.

He did not understand at first. He didn’t feel any different; maybe his eyesight and his sense of smell seemed slightly better, maybe he was quite a bit stronger, maybe he had the ability to change into a wolf, but deep down he was just the same average little boy he had always been.

The other villagers in Wolfsburg did not agree. Angry jeers now followed him when he walked around the village.

“Monster!”

“Freak!”

“Abomination!”

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

They would throw stones at him until he found somewhere alone to hide. He was not sure if this was worse; Remus’ deepest fear was being alone forever.

Even his parents seemed slightly frightened of him, but were upset about the abuse of the villagers.

“Remus, this can’t go on,” said his mother. “They must stop picking on you.”

“I’m going to teach you to fight,” his father said.

“I don’t want to fight! I don’t want to hurt anyone.” Remus’ second deepest fear was hurting people.

“I don’t  _ want _ you to hurt anyone, either, Remus,” said his father, “But if you know how to defend yourself and they  _ know _ you know, they won’t bother you anymore.”

So Remus’ father taught him to defend himself, but that still did not stop the villagers’ taunts. Eventually there was talk of getting torches and pitchforks and Remus’ parents decided it was time to move to a new village.

On their trip to their new home they passed through the city of Hogsmeade where they was a large fighting championship taking place. Remus’ father had an idea.

“I’m going to be your manager,” he declared. “You’re going to become a champion fighter and we’re going to be rich and famous.”

“Oh, that will be  _ wonderful. _ ” Remus’ mother agreed.

“No!” cried Remus. “I don’t  _ want _ to fight. Don’t make me hurt anyone!”

“Listen, we’re not going to threaten you,” his parents said. “It is incredibly expensive to take care of you, but we all care for each other too much to resort to threats. If you really don’t want to fight, nobody’s going to force you. We’ll simply leave you alone forever.”

Faced with the choice between his deepest fear and second deepest fear, Remus chose to become a fighting champion.

His extreme strength meant that he did not have to have any fighting technique. As long as he could get his hands on his opponent he was able to win. The crowds, however, felt that this was an unfair advantage.

“Monster!”

“Freak!”

“Abomination!”

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

“I don’t care what anybody says,” declared his mother while counting his winnings from the latest match. “You’re doing wonderfully.”

“I don’t feel wonderful,” argued Remus. “I hate it when they all yell ‘BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!’” 

“They’re right that it’s unfair that a monster like you is fighting humans. Maybe you could fight other werewolves?” suggested his father. “You could both shift into wolf form and fight!”

“That sounds like a dog fight. Which is  _ illegal. _ ” said Remus.

“Probably not if you both of you animals consent,” said his mother.

“All other werewolves we’ve met are bigger, stronger and more vicious than I am. I am going to get hurt.”

“Life is pain,” his mother said dismissively. “Anybody that says different is selling something.”

“Well then maybe you can start fighting groups of humans to make it seem like the odds aren’t completely in your favour. You can either continue fighting humans, fight werewolves, or be left alone forever. Those are your choices,” stated his father.

Remus chose to continue fighting groups of humans and he and his parents travelled across the world, making sure to leave each new place before the torches and pitchforks were brought out. But the taunts followed him.

“Monster!”

“Freak!”

“Abomination!”

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

When in the city of Diagon, Remus’ parents both became ill with the plague and died. Remus wept for them. They may not have been the best parents, as they rarely had his best interests in mind, but he had loved them nonetheless. Love is many things, none of them logical. 

Now Remus had his worst fear realized. He was alone. He continued travelling until one day he came across a travelling circus. The circus master was pleased to see him.

“A real werewolf!” he exclaimed. “And a tame one at that! We’ll put you into the Freak Show and people can come by and look at you!”

Remus wanted to object but he realized that as long as he was with the circus he would not be alone. So he spent his days being gawked at by people as he walked around his cage which had a sign reading “BLOODTHIRSTY WEREWOLF”.

It was not long before the complaints started.

“Make him do something!” the crowds complained. “He just looks like a shabbily dressed professor!”

The circus master organized fights for him to compete in but, as always, the taunts followed him there.

“Monster!”

“Freak!”

“Abomination!”

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

They were passing through an area in the kingdom of Hufflepuff called the Lonely Meadows when the circus master had finally had enough.

“You are not bloodthirsty enough for the Freak Show but you are too strong for the fights. You are more trouble than you are worth. You’re fired!”

Remus was left at the side of the road as the circus’ travelling carriages pulled away. He could see nothing but grass in all directions. He was completely alone.

In the loneliest place on earth.

Which is where Peter Pettigrew found him. Peter wanted Remus to join his criminal organization. He had already recruited a wizard and he said that the three of them, with Peter’s cunning and Remus’ strength and Sirius’ magic, could become the most feared and respected criminal organization on the planet. And Remus would never be alone again.

**********

Remus’ heart fell as he saw the man in black coming towards them from a distance. The path they were following had become quite mountainous and would continue higher for awhile before sloping down into the Forbidden Forest.

“He has beaten Sirius,” he said dejectedly, not wanting to believe it; he loved Sirius. Sirius was the only one who had ever liked him and who became happy instead of frightened in his presence.

“Inconceivable!” exploded Peter.

“You’re right,” said Remus bitterly, sarcastically, “Sirius has not lost to the man in black, he has  _ defeated _ him. And to prove it he has put on all the man in black’s clothes and replaced one of his legs with wood and gained eighty pounds.”

Peter did not look amused. “Sirius must have slipped or been tricked or otherwise unfairly beaten. That’s the only conceivable explanation.”

“What should we do now?” asked Remus.

“You will stay here and ambush him. Be the monster you are and kill him.”

_ I’m not a monster, _ thought Remus although he didn’t dare say it. He might have whispered it to Sirius late at night and Sirius would have agreed. “You are not a monster,” he would say. “I’ve met real monsters. Dragons and basilisks and men who kill children. You are nothing like them.” But now Sirius had maybe been killed and Remus must act like a monster to stop the man in black.

“Hide behind that boulder,” said Peter, pointing. “When he comes around the corner pick up a rock and smash his head in. Either that or turn into a wolf and disembowel him.”

“That doesn’t seem very sportsmanlike, does it?”

Peter became deathly quiet and cold. “I will tell you this once. Stop the man in black. I will not hear any excuses from you if you fail. I will leave you alone forever.”

“Please don’t desert me,” said Remus.

“Then do as you are told.” Peter grabbed Lily, who had recovered from her vertigo but whose wrists were now bound together, and dragged her up the path.

Remus hated killing. He had managed to never kill anyone yet, getting away with simply knocking most opponents unconscious. He could probably work up the will to kill the man in black, he supposed, as this man had possibly killed Sirius and Peter would desert him if he did not, but he would not ambush him like a coward. They would have a fair, weaponless hand-to-hand combat. He had honour, even if he was a werewolf.

He stood behind the boulder holding a rock until the man in black had entered the small clearing where he waited. Then he threw the rock just passed the man in black’s head.

“I did that as a warning,” Remus said, picking up another rock. “I didn’t have to miss.”

“I believe you,” said the man in black cautiously. “What happens now?”

“We fight without weapons.”

“You mean you’ll put down your rock and I’ll put down my wand and we’ll try to kill each other like civilized people?”

“I’m not a person, I’m a werewolf. Your magic won’t work on me anyway. What’s your plan for getting past me?”

The man in black looked pained, “You’re still a person, just one infected with lycanthropy. I don’t really want to fight you. You won’t just let me by?”

“I’m sorry, I really wish I could,” said Remus. “But you’ve already defeated a dear friend of mine and I can’t let you go after the other.”

“Alright, I guess we’ll fight, then. Although I think the odds are slightly in your favour at hand-to-hand combat.”

“I didn’t ask to be this way. I cannot help that I’m stronger now.”

“I’m not blaming you, simply stating unavoidable facts.”

Remus dropped his rock and got into fighting position and watched as the man in black circled him cautiously, limping slightly on his wooden leg. It had been awhile since he had fought only one opponent; his fights at the circus had always been against large groups of people, mainly clowns as many people seemed to enjoy watching them get beaten up.

Remus lunged towards his opponent, but the man in black side stepped him quickly. It was quite surprising that despite his wooden leg the man could move so quickly and with such agility. Again and again the man dodged Remus’ attacks, until he had circled around behind him and was hanging on to Remus’ neck, choking him. As Remus struggled for breath he realized he only had one option to avoid becoming unconscious. 

He shifted into a wolf. The man in black gave a shout of alarm and quickly backed away from the wolf. Remus had never attacked a human in his wolf form and he hesitated, circling around the other man. That’s when something incredibly surprising happened.

The man in black shifted into a stag. Remus was shocked. He had heard that some magic users had the ability to shift into animals but had never seen any proof until now.

Taking advantage of his shock and confusion, the stag charged at him, ramming into him with his antlers and piercing the wolf’s grey hide. The wolf yelped in pain and attempted to fight back, but the stag had him pinned down and struggling. Again Remus could feel himself choking and his vision began to swim with black spots. He continued struggling until he fell unconscious.

There is an instant between unconsciousness and death and as the great grey wolf became still, that instant happened, and the stag let the wolf go.

The stag shifted back into the man in black and summoned his wooden leg from where it had fallen off when he had shifted forms. He reattached his leg and checked on the wolf. It was faintly breathing.

“I do not envy you the headache you will have when you wake up,” said the man in black to the werewolf, “but until then rest well. Your wizard friend is still alive.”

The man in black took off up the path. Now only one man stood between him and his goal.


	6. James

Peter was waiting for the man in black. He had stopped at the edge of a slope leading down into a ravine. He spread a picnic blanket out across the ground and placed two goblets on top of it. Lily had been blindfolded and was now sitting beside Peter with his knife to her throat. The man in black crested the hill, came to a halt, and surveyed the situation.

“Now it is down to you and it is down to me,” stated Peter.

“So it would seem,” agreed the man in black, taking a step towards him.

“If you wish her dead, by all means keep moving,” Peter said, pushing the knife closer to Lily’s neck.

The man in black froze.

“I want it quite clear that I resent your behaviour,” continued Peter. “You are trying to kidnap what I’ve rightfully stolen.”

“Let me explain -” the man in black began, starting forward again.

“ _ You’re killing her! _ ” Peter exclaimed, pushing the knife even closer.

The man in black backed up a couple steps. “Let me explain,” he began again.

“There is nothing you can tell me that I already do not know,” said Peter, “I have kidnapped this woman under strict instructions and the rewards I will reap for doing so will be far greater than anything you can offer me. You do not appear to want her dead, but her death is more profitable to me than letting her go with you. Your explanations are meaningless; we cannot do business together. Either you leave or she dies.”

“Has it not occurred to you that I have gone to great effort and expense, as well as personal sacrifice, to reach this point?” asked the man in black. “And that if she stops breathing in the very near future, it is most probable that you will catch the same fatal illness?”

“I do not doubt you can kill me; you have bested both a wizard and a werewolf today. Has it occurred to you that if we did what you are suggesting that neither of us get what we want - she will be dead and so will I.”

“We are at an impasse then.”

“So it would seem.”

“In that case,” said the man in black, “I challenge you to a battle of wits.”

Peter broke out in a wide grin. “For the Princess?”

The man in black nodded.

“To the death?” Peter cackled excitedly.

The man in black nodded again.

“Very well, I accept.”

“Pour the mulled mead,” said the man in black. “By the way, where did that come from? Was it just sitting here?”

“Oh, I put it out ahead of time. My underlings and I were going to stop here for a rest.”

The man in black sat down on the picnic blanket across from Peter and pulled a vial out of his clothing.

“This is an undetectable poison,” he started. “I am going to add it to one of the goblets. The battle ends when we both drink and one of us is the victor and the other is dead.”

Peter giggled in unabashed glee as the man in black took both goblets behind him and added the poison.

“Take your guess.”

“ _ Guess? _ ” cried Peter. “I do not guess. This puzzle is simple. All I have to deduce is whether you are the type of man to put the poison in his own goblet, or into the goblet of his enemy.”

The man in black waited. “Well?” he finally asked. “You’re stalling.”

“I’m not stalling, I’m relishing our little game. Let’s see … only a great fool would reach for what he was given, so I can clearly not choose the mead in front of you; however, you are aware that I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the mead in front of me.”

“That’s your choice, then?”

“No, of course not,” Peter reflected for a few seconds. “You have overpowered my werewolf so you obviously possess great strength and convinced of this strength you would have put the poison into your own goblet, so I can clearly not choose the mead in front of you. But you also beat my wizard, indicating that you have studied magic and in doing so would have become very knowledgeable about mortality and would clearly want the poison as far away from you as possible, so I can clearly not choose the mead in front of me.”

“You’re trying to trick me into giving something away. It won’t work.”

“It has already worked! I know where the poison is.”

“Alright, which goblet do you pick?”

“I pick the goblet -” Peter broke off, pointing into the distance. “What in the world can that be?”

The man in black turned to look and in doing so surreptitiously put something in his mouth. Peter did not notice because he was busy switching the two goblets.

“I don’t see anything,” said the man in black.

“Oh, no matter. It must have been a bird. Now to drink! Me from my goblet and you from yours.”

Both men drank and Peter dissolved into delighted giggles.

“You chose wrong,” stated the man in black.

“You only  _ think _ I chose wrong!” crowed Peter. “That’s what’s so funny! I switched goblets when your back was turned!”

He laughed hysterically until the undetectable poison took effect and killed him.

The man in black stepped over and removed the blindfold from Lily and unbound her hands. Lily eyed him nervously.

“All that time it was your cup that was poisoned?” she asked.

“They were both poisoned. I put a bezoar in my mouth when my back was turned and swallowed it after I swallowed the poison.”

“That sounds like cheating,” Lily argued.

“It was a battle of wits. It was never stated that I couldn’t poison both goblets or save myself from being poisoned. I outwitted him. I won the prize.”

“I am not a prize.”

“Oh, I know that,” the man in black said. “The prize was the right to kidnap you.”

“Who are you?” Lily asked.

“I am no one to be trifled with,” he replied. “That’s all you ever need know.”

“Why are you wearing a mask?”

“I think everyone will in the near future,” was the man in black’s reply. “It’s terribly comfortable.”

She looked closer. “You have a magic eye! I know who you are! You are the pirate called “Mad-eye” Moody!”

He gave a mock bow. “Please to make your acquaintance. What can I do for you?”

“You can die slowly after being stripped of all that you hold dear.”

“To what do I owe the pleasure of your particularly venomous wishes for me?”

“You killed my True Love,” answered Lily angrily.

“I may have. I kill a lot of people. I don’t remember killing Prince Half-Blood, however, so it seems your true love is still alive.”

“I never said the prince was my love! No, it was another.”

“You admit you do not love the man you are to marry? Are you capable of love? When the man you claim to love died, did you feel pain? How long did you mourn him before you moved on the marry the prince? One day, possibly two?”

“Do not mock my grief!  _ I died that day. _ ”

At that moment a loud bird call echoed from the direction of the Forbidden Forest. The man in black became distracted for a moment and in that moment Lily saw her chance. She pushed him as hard as she could and he toppled down the steep slope into the ravine.

“You can die too for all I care!” she yelled down at him.

There were faint words coming from the ravine, “As … you … wish …”

Lily stared in shock down into the ravine where something strange was happening. The man in black was beginning to change. The scars on his body were disappearing, the skin was becoming smoother and darker; the mangled nose became whole, and started to shrink. The grizzled grey hair was turning black and becoming unruly. Suddenly, his wooden leg fell away as a normal leg regrew in its place; the next moment, the magical eyeball had popped out of the man’s face as a real eye replaced it. The man, lying at the bottom of the hill, was James Potter.

Lily did not hesitate. Down she went after him, keeping her feet as best she could, but she fell fast and tumbled down into the ravine to where James was waiting for her.   

“James,” she gasped as she reached him.

“I told you I would always come for you,” said James. “Why didn’t you wait for me?”

“Well,” explained Lily, “you were dead.”

“Death cannot stop True Love. All it can do is delay it for awhile.”

“I’ll never doubt again,” she promised.

“You’ll never need to,” he unknowingly lied.

**********

Sufficiently reunited, Lily and James hurried along the ravine towards the Forbidden Forest.

“We’ll never survive,” fretted Lily.

“Nonsense,” laughed James. “You’re only saying that because no one ever has.”

“There are acromantula in there! And giants, and centaurs, and werewolves, and who knows what else!” she paused, thoughtfully. “Although I guess in my experience 100% of the werewolves I have met were mild, polite, and kind, so it wouldn’t be too bad to run into werewolves. They’d probably be helpful in giving directions out of the forest. James?” she asked, suddenly. “You didn’t kill Remus, did you?”

“Remus, was that the name of the werewolf who kidnapped you? No, I didn’t kill him,” he looked at her questioningly. “He helped  _ kidnap _ you.”

“Well, yes,” she admitted. “But he was just working for Peter. I don’t think he had much of a choice.”

“Everybody has a choice.”

“Yes, but I have experience in choosing between two terrible options, so I sympathize with him. And he was kind to me.”

“Speaking of choices, how is it that you’ve ended up engaged to  _ Severus Snape _ of all people?”

“Are you judging the choices I made to stay alive? I’m assuming that you’ve made some questionable choices yourself, seeing as you’ve been pretending to be dead while you were actually masquerading as a famous pirate! Which I would like an explanation for, by the way.”

“It’s actually quite a long story.”

Lily gestured around them, disbelievingly. “We currently have nothing but time! We are walking through a forest. Wait, why are we walking through this forest?”

“My ship, the  _ Marauder _ is anchored in the bay of the other side.”

“The  _ Marauder _ is the name of Dread Pirate “Mad-eye” Moody’s ship,” Lily pointed out.

“And I, as you know, am Moody,” James said with a roguish smile.

Lily gave him a flat look and waited.

James seemed to deflate a little under her look. “Alright,” he said, “but the story I’m about to tell you is top secret. I’ve kept it a secret, even from you, and that is the reason that I’m alive today. Nobody can know, alright?”

“Alright,” Lily agreed.

“The ship that I was sailing on to Hogwarts was attacked by the  _ Marauder _ ,” began James. “Generally, Captain Moody is known for not leaving any survivors, but something about me caught his attention. I did not beg or plead or offer bribes like many of the others on board, I just simply said ‘Please. Please, I’ve got to live.’ Moody was intrigued. ‘What makes you so important?’ he asked. ‘I am not important,’ I replied, ‘but I must live because of True Love.’ Moody snorted. ‘I’d like to let you live,’ he said, ‘but then word would get out that I’m getting soft which would decrease people’s fear of me and then it would be nothing but work, work, work all the time.’ ‘I will tell no one,’ I promised. ‘And I will work for you. I’m of noble descent, I can learn magic. I can be your valet.’ He shrugged. ‘Okay, James. I like your spirit. As long as you tell no one. I’ve never had a valet and I’ll probably hate it. I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.’

“For several years he said that to me. ‘Good night, James. Good work. I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.’ But despite that they were good years for me. I was learning all the magic I could from Moody and from magic users in different ports around the world. I knew when the time was right I could return to you to be married.”

“So you couldn’t even send me a secret letter to ease my sorrow?” asked Lily.

“I was worried that Moody might carry out his threat if I let anyone know he hadn’t killed me.”

Lily shrugged. “I guess that’s understandable. What changed that you can be here now?”

“One day, Moody took me into his cabin to tell me something. ‘James,’ he said, ‘I am very rich and I want to retire. I want you to take over the ship from me when I do. You can go get your True Love and sail the seas together.’ ‘Alright,’ I said. ‘So I’ll just be the Dread Pirate Potter?’ He shook his head. ‘I have a secret to tell you. It’s both the name and the image of Moody that strikes fear into people. The knowledge that a grizzled, old magic pirate is attacking them causes them to surrender willingly.’ He took a flask out of his pocket and put it on the desk between us.

“He looked directly into my eyes. ‘I am not the Dread Pirate Moody,’ he said. ‘My name is Barty Crouch Jr. I inherited this ship from the previous Dread Pirate Moody, who was actually a man named Kingsley Shacklebolt. He inherited the ship from the original Moody, who has been retired ten years and living like a king in Gryffindor.’ I confessed my confusion, this man certainly looked like all the descriptions of “Mad-eye” Moody that I had ever heard. He gestured to the flask, ‘Polyjuice potion,’ he said. ‘The captain of the  _ Marauder _ must always look like Moody but he does not necessarily have to  _ be _ Moody.’”

“So now you’ve come to get me so that we can be married and roam the seas as pirates?”

“Well, yes,” James confessed. “Although if you don’t want to be pirates I can pass on the polyjuice to someone else.”

“No, don’t do that. Being pirates sounds fun. What will we do about my engagement to the prince? I’ve given him my word that I would marry him.”

“Well you’ve been kidnapped,” said James. “If you don’t go back and they never find you he’ll eventually assume you’re dead. Maybe we’ll dye your hair so it’s not so noticeable. Or you could use the polyjuice and be Moody and I’ll be your first mate!”

No major obstacles presented themselves as they continued crossing the Forbidden Forest hand in hand and discussing what their future had in store for them.

It was nearly dusk when they reached a hut at the edge of the forest. They could see the  _ Marauder _ far out in the deepest part of the bay. Unfortunately, between them and the edge of the water stood Prince Half-Blood, Lord Voldemort and their guards.

James shoved the bundle containing the flask of polyjuice potion, the wooden leg, and the magical eye into Lily’s arms and said quietly, “Lily, take this and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off!” and he strode out brandishing his wand.

“Surrender!” called Snape.

“You mean you wish to surrender to me?” asked James. “Very well, I accept.”

“You certainly have bravery. Don’t make yourself a fool.”

“How is that foolish? Lily and I now know the secrets of the Forbidden Forest. We could happily live there for quite some time, but who know what evil may befall you and your men if you venture too far in?”

“We have you surrounded, surrender!” cried the prince.

“ _ It will not happen! _ ”

Both Snape and Voldemort raised their wands to point at James, but Lily suddenly ran forward to try to block their magic. “Not James, not James, please not James!” she screamed. All three men stared at her in shock.

“Stand aside you silly girl … stand aside now,” said Lord Voldemort.

“If we surrender, will you promise not to hurt him?” Lily called.

“What was that?” asked Snape.

“What was that?” echoed James from behind her.

“If we surrender, freely and without struggle, will you swear not to hurt this man?”

Snape raised his right hand. “On my honour as a Slytherin.”

“You would rather live with your Prince and your riches and live a life without me than fight for me?” asked James quietly.

Lily looked at Snape for a long moment and then turned back to James. “I would die so that you could live,” she said, “but if you’re also going to die, what’s the point? I can live without love.”

With that she returned the polyjuice bundle to James and crossed the distance to Snape and Voldemort.

Snape smirked victoriously at James and then looked towards Voldemort and using the power of legilimency sent him a telepathic message,  _ When Lily and I are out of sight, take that man to the fifth level of the Zoo of Death. _

“He is a sailor from the ship  _ Marauder  _ that I have known since I was a child. He save me from my kidnappers,” explained Lily. “Please return him to his ship.”

Snape nodded and then he and Lily mounted horses and galloped away.

James stood sadly and watched his love willingly leave him.

“Come,” said Lord Voldemort, “let’s get you to your ship.”

“We are men of action,” James replied. “Lies to do not become us.” He let himself be disarmed and bound and brought closer to the lord. Then he looked closer at the lord’s mask and startled.

“What is it?” asked Lord Voldemort as he raised his wand to stun James.

“You do not have a nose,” James pointed out. “I know someone who is looking for you.”


	7. The Festivities

Sirius came back to consciousness slowly at the top of the cliff. He stirred, blinked, and tried to rub his eyes but found that his arms were bound together around a tree. He surveyed his surroundings and found his wand close by. He managed to use his leg to move the wand closer and was then able to vanish his bindings.

He surveyed his surroundings again trying to decide what to do now.

Peter had instructions for when a job went wrong. It very rarely happened, but the instructions were to go back to the beginning. Sirius had not realized until that very moment how vague those instructions were. Go back to the beginning of what? He guessed that meant where they had started the mission. This morning, before the gathering in the square outside of the palace, they had convened in Knockturn Alley. So Knockturn Alley was clearly the place to go.

Only Sirius hated it there. Everybody was so dangerous and even though Sirius was a wizard and one of the greatest living duellists nobody could tell that just by looking at him. He looked like a handsome, rich noble who was stupid enough to walk through streets normally peopled by thieves. He wanted to wear a sign saying ‘Be careful, this man is a wizard and can kill you easily. Do not burgle.’

His apparition skills were shoddy at best, but he was able to apparate down the cliff to the boats that remained there and sail back to Slytherin. 

Knockturn Alley was even worse than he remembered. Always, before, Remus had been with him, and despite the verbal abuse that was often hurled at the werewolf his presence was usually enough to keep thieves at bay.

Sirius could feel the panic rise within him as he walked through the streets. If Peter and Remus did not come find him he would be forced to return to the way his life had been before he met them. A failure. He had failed Regulus and now he had failed against the man in black. What purpose did he have now?

He had not touched firewhiskey in years, not since he had met Remus who was the only person on the planet that seemed to understand him. Now his shaking hands fumbled for money as he moved into an alehouse to purchase a bottle of firewhiskey.

After all, he had nothing to do except drink and wait for Remus to find him.

**********

Remus had no idea for how long he’d been unconscious. He only knew, as he staggered to his feet, that his throat was sore and his head hurt like he’d been drinking firewhiskey by the barrel. He started up the path that Peter and Lily had taken earlier.

It did not take him long to come to the picnic blanket on which Peter’s body lay.

“Oh, you’re dead,” he said softly. And then a scream of panic burst from his throat into the night, “ _ Sirius! _ ” and he whirled around and took off down the path. Since the man in black had spared him he had assumed that the man must not be a killer and that Sirius may also have been left unconscious, but with Peter’s dead body as evidence to the contrary Remus was suddenly very concerned. If Sirius was alive, it would be all right, he wouldn’t be alone.

He ran as fast as he could until he reached the top of the cliff and called, “Sirius! Sirius it’s your Remus! I’m here!” but there was no answer.

There was also no body. Since he was standing at the top of a very large cliff this did not mean that Sirius wasn’t dead but it did mean that his hope was not completely extinguished.

He knew that Peter’s instructions for if a job went wrong were to go back to the beginning. Where was the beginning? He guessed that meant where they had received the mission. A week ago they had been staying in a hamlet not far from the capital city of Slytherin when they had been hired and given instructions for the kidnapping.

It took him a couple days of travelling but he managed to reach the hamlet and he found the shack where they had been staying previously. No one was there. He was alone.

Remus broke down then, huddling in the shack and trying to look on the bright side.

At least he did not have to marry Severus Snape.

**********

Lily woke from her nightmare screaming.

It was now a month after she had left James at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. The previous month had been the first thirty days of the customary sixty days of pre-wedding festivities throughout the Slytherin capital. Day after day Lily spent in the company of nobles smiling and chatting politely. Day after day she felt as if she may actually die from the pain she was holding inside. It was simply exhausting.

And then, four days previously her nightmares had begun.

The first night she dreamed that she and Snape had gotten married and that she was being presented to the commoners of Slytherin as their queen. Cheers rang out as she waved prettily from a balcony overlooking the square. And then one person booed.

Silence rang out. “Why do you do this?” Lily asked the old woman who had booed.

“Because you are not worthy of cheers,” the old woman said. “You had love in your hands and you gave it up for gold!”

“I had given my word to the Prince! I made the choice I had to in order to survive!”

The old woman would not be quieted. “And that was more important than your love? You threw him away to be the Queen of Garbage! So bow to her if you want, the Queen of Grime, of Refuse, of Muck! She is not worthy of your love and adoration!” The old woman continued booing and yelling and insulting until Lily woke up screaming.

The second night she dreamed that she had given birth to a daughter. She held the child up to feed her but the baby pushed her away and said, “Your milk is sour.”

Lily startled and looked at the baby and said, “I’m sorry, I don’t know what to do.”

“You always know what to do, you always do what’s right for you, and the rest of world can go hang.”

“If you’re talking about James, I thought he was dead. I had given my word to Prince Half-Blood that I would marry him in exchange for my life.”

“I’m dying now,” said the child. “There’s no love in your milk. You have killed me,” and the child stiffened, and cracked, and withered into dust until Lily woke up screaming.

The third night she dreamed that she had given birth to a son. The child would not come near her.

“Come, here, darling,” she beckoned.

“Why? Are you going to kill me too?”

“I’ve never killed anyone!” she protested.

“You killed James,” argued the child. “Did you see his face in the Forbidden Forest? When you walked away and left him? That’s what I call killing.”

“I had no choice.”

“ _ Murderer! _ ” the child cried moving away from her.

“Stop that! I love you, please come here.”

“Your love is poison; it kills.”

She reached out to her son, but at her touch he convulsed; spitting up blood and dying in her arms until Lily woke up screaming.

The fourth night she dreamed of her own birth.

“Oh, no,” said the midwife who was examining her.

“What’s the problem?” asked her father. “Look how beautiful she is.”

“Yes, she is beautiful,” agreed the midwife, “but she has no heart. See, listen, there is no heartbeat.”

“What should we do?” asked her mother.

“These beautiful heartless creatures are the most dangerous,” said the midwife. “As they grow more and more beautiful they leave behind them nothing but broken bodies and shattered souls. They bring nothing but anguish. My advice would be to destroy this girl before she can bring such pain and suffering to others.”

Her parents agreed and together they grasped around her throat and squeezed and squeezed until Lily woke up screaming.

Lily had had enough. She stalked through the castle until she reached Snape’s chambers and barged in.

“It comes to this,” she started, startling Snape. “I made the worst mistake in the world. I love James. I always have. I was wrong in the forest. I cannot live without love. If you say that I must still marry you, please believe that I will be dead by morning.”

Snape was stunned. He remained quiet for several minutes trying to come up with a plan. “I would never wish you harm,” he said, hesitatingly. “I suppose our marriage is off.”

Lily gave a relieved sigh. “Thank you.”

“Except, perhaps …”

“Yes?”

“Have you considered the possibility that James may no longer wish to marry you?”

“No,” said Lily simply, “I have not.”

“You were not altogether gentle with his feelings in the forest. You did make it clear how unimportant his love was to you.”

Lily faltered. “I’m sure he’d forgive me if I could just explain.”

“How about this? You write four copies of a letter. I’ll send out my four fastest ships out in all directions to search for the  _ Marauder _ . If he returns and loves you still then you may marry. If not, would you consider still becoming Queen of Slytherin as an alternative to suicide?”

“Alright,” Lily agreed. “But it won’t come to that. He will come for me.”

As Lily left to go write her letters, Snape pondered his options. His kidnapping plan did not seem to have worked at all. He had hired Peter to kidnap Lily so that when Snape showed up to save her she would throw herself at him with gratitude and love. Snape had been incredibly surprised when Lily had appeared at the location where he was to make his daring rescue happily in the company of James Potter. Worse still, she did not seem to be grateful or of the opinion that he deserved a reward. Maybe he could still force her to love him some other way. He would have to make her forget about her love, which shouldn’t be too hard. After all, there was no way that James Potter was coming for her. 

**********

James had not had a pleasant month. After being stunned unconscious in the Forbidden Forest he had woken to find himself shackled in a dungeon. A man with blonde hair and skin so pale it was almost white had eventually shown up with food for him.

“Where am I? Who are you?” James asked.

“My name is Malfoy and this is the Zoo of Death, Lord Voldemort and Prince Half-Blood’s personal playground.”

“Why did they not kill me?”

“The lord likes to break men before he kills them,” explained Malfoy.

“It’s to be torture, then?” asked James, steeling himself. “I have been trained to withstand torture. I will not break.”

Malfoy scoffed. “Everyone breaks. And then they die. You will, too.”

Lord Voldemort arrived shortly after this, followed by a large snake that accompanied him like a dog.

“I’m very interested in pain,” the lord began. “At present I am writing a book. The definitive work on pain, I hope. If my experiments are valid, my name will be known forever. It’s immortality I’m after, to be quite honest.”

James watched the man pace. “I have invented many spells with the goal of creating pain. We will begin with some of the lesser spells and work our way up to my crowning achievement. These spells have been tested on animals and commoners, but I am very excited to have someone with magical abilities on which to test them.”

So the experiments had begun. Voldemort tested out his spells and carefully noted James’ reactions. He asked James questions about his experiences while entreating that James answer honestly for posterity’s sake. At the beginning James was able to resist the pain as he had been taught; simply taking his mind away from the present allowed him to ignore the worst of the pain. As the days went on the lord had begun using more intense spells; it was now much harder for James to ignore the pain. He was growing worried. Would the spells get much worse?

After six weeks of experiments Voldemort excitedly said, “We are ready to test the final spell. My crowning achievement.  _ Crucio! _ ”

It was pain beyond anything James had ever experienced; his very bones were on fire. His head felt like it was going to split; he was unable to take his mind away. His eyes rolled around wildly in his head and, for the first time, he wished for death.

When he had been under the spell for a few seconds that had seemed to last for hours, Voldemort lifted the curse. “Now tell me honestly,” he said, “how do you feel?”

In humiliation, and suffering, and frustration, and anger, and anguish so great it was dizzying, James broke and wept like a child.

“Interesting,” said the lord, and carefully noted it down.

**********

Two days before their wedding, Lily went to see Snape in his office. He was in the middle of a conference with his captain of the guard. Ever since Lily had written and sent her letters to James, Snape had been very solicitous about her well-being. He had begun a crackdown on the criminal underworld of Slytherin in order to keep her safe, he claimed.

“I want you to flush out and jail all the criminals from Knockturn Alley before my wedding,” Snape was telling the guard captain. “And I want one hundred men guarding the castle gates. The day following the wedding, my bride and I will ride to the harbour surrounded by your guards so we can board our ship for our honeymoon. Then, surrounded by every ship in my armada, we will -”

“Every ship but your four fastest, you mean?” Lily corrected.

Snape stared at her in silence for a beat and then blinked. “Of course not those four. Every ship but four will accompany us until I deem it is safe.” He then dismissed his guard captain. “Lily,” he began.

“You never sent the ships,” she cut him off.

“Whatever was done was done for your own good,” he argued.

“Somehow I do not think that is true. Besides, I am the only one who gets to decide what is ‘my own good’,” she shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. James will come for me anyway. I will not be marrying you.”

“That is what you think. I assure you, our wedding will take place in two days time.”

“James and I are connected by the bonds of love, and you cannot track that, not with a thousand bloodhounds, and you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords. You are nothing but a coward with a heart full of fear. You cannot hurt us. James will be here for me.”

Snape gave a wordless cry of rage and escorted Lily forcefully back to her room. “You will be locked in here until our wedding; you gave your word and we  _ will _ be married.”

He stormed angrily towards the Zoo of Death to make James pay for Lily’s insults.  

**********

The guard captain was overseeing the emptying of Knockturn Alley. Generally the guards turned a blind eye towards the criminal undertakings in Knockturn Alley and were now encountering fierce opposition.

“Sir!” called one of his guards, hurrying up to him. “There’s a drunk magic user holed up in Rosmerta’s alehouse. He keeps yelling about how someone named Peter told him to go back to the beginning and that he’s waiting so he can’t leave. He keeps shooting hexes at anyone who gets within reach of him.”

“I’ll take care of him,” offered one of the special enforcers.

Sirius was, indeed, holed up in the alehouse. “I am getting bored of waiting, Remus!” he was drunkenly muttering. “Two months is a long time to wait. If you are not here in ninety more days, I’m done with you. You hear? Done!” He gave a choked little sob, “I didn’t mean that, Remus, I’m sorry. I will keep waiting here, take your time …”

“Hey there, Sirius,” called the new enforcer from the front of the alehouse.

“I’m not leaving: keep your ‘hey there,’” replied Sirius.

“No, Sirius -”

Then Sirius started yelling, “I’m - waiting - for - Remus -”

“You don’t have to wait anymore.”

“Yes I do! Don’t you understand? I’m …” the man’s words had started to penetrate Sirius’ drunken brain and he squinted towards him. Then, quietly, he said, “Remus?” He took a step forward, trying desperately to make his eyes focus through the firewhiskey. “ _ Remus, it’s you! _ ” and he drunkenly staggered towards the other man.

Remus managed to catch him before he stumbled and pulled him close. “It’s so good to see you, Sirius.”

“Oh, it is, it is,” agreed Sirius before he fainted from fatigue and firewhiskey and no food and bad sleep and worry and stress.

Remus took Sirius upstairs and found a room with a bed. He then reported back to the guard captain that the magic using menace in Rosmerta’s alehouse had been dealt with and continued with his enforcer duties. Later that night, he sneaked back into Knockturn Alley and into the alehouse. Sirius was still asleep. Remus forced a sobering potion down his throat and then went down to the kitchen to make some food. When he returned Sirius was sitting up and blinking at his surroundings.

Remus gave the food to Sirius, “Eat.” Sirius ate.

“It is  _ so _ good to see you,” said Remus. “I thought you were dead. I’ve got so much news.”

“It is good to see you, too. Why didn’t you come here sooner?” asked Sirius. “I came back to the beginning just like Peter said we should. Where is Peter?”

“Peter’s dead,” said Remus. “The man in black killed him. As for why I didn’t come here I assumed that back to the beginning meant that we should meet in the Shrieking Shack, since that’s where we were when we received the job. In retrospect, I can see why you thought Knockturn Alley would be the beginning.”

“The man in black got by you?”

“Yes. He was beating me in a contest of strength against strength so I shifted into wolf form but then he turned into a stag and knocked me unconscious.”

“He’s an animagus? And he killed Peter?”

“I believe so. I found Peter but he had no wounds on him. I believe he was poisoned.”

Sirius looked disgruntled. “This is a lot to take in after two months of doing nothing but drinking. What other news do you have to share?”

“Well, the news that is probably most interesting to you is that Prince Half-Blood’s second in command is a man named Lord Voldemort and he doesn’t have a nose.”

Sirius sat stunned and blinking for a few minutes. “We must go and kill him now.”

“No,” said Remus. “He is safe in the castle. We cannot just go kill him.”

“He is the murderer I have been searching for for my entire life! My honour demands that we must go now!” He jumped up and began to pace.

“No. Sirius,  _ sit down _ . We are not going. The castle is guarded by one hundred men and both the prince and the lord are proficient in magic.”

“For the last time I ask you. Please let’s go kill him now.”

“For the last time I tell you, I am sorry. No.”

“So I have failed my quest to avenge my brother. Which means I have lost my honour. Which means that since honour is the only thing in the world I care about, and since I cannot live without it, I must die. And since you are my dearest friend, I may as well die now, with you, basking in the warmth of your affection.” Sirius drew out a knife. Remus sighed heavily. This was not the first time Sirius had ended an argument like this.

“Good-bye Remus,” Sirius said. “Although I die in your presence, and although it is your own stubbornness that causes my death, in other words, even though you are killing me, don’t let your conscience give you any trouble. I love you as I always have.” He brought the knife close to his stomach. “ _ The pain is worse than I imagined! _ ”

“How can it hurt when the point of the weapon is still an inch away from your belly?” Remus asked, rolling his eyes.

“I’m anticipating. Don’t bother me. Let me die.” He brought the point to his skin, and started to push.

Remus grabbed the knife away. “Someday I won’t stop you,” he said with affection.

“I was all set to kill myself, truly.”

“Enough dramatics. I didn’t say we couldn’t go kill him. I just said we couldn’t go  _ now _ . We need a plan.”

“Planning is not really one of my strengths.”

“No, you’re much better at recklessly charging towards danger,” agreed Remus. “I am also not particularly gifted at making intricate plans.”

“I need Peter.”

“Peter’s dead.”

Sirius was up and pacing again. “No, I don’t need Peter, I need the man in black! He beat me with magic, he beat you with strength, he must have outwitted Peter. He can help us plan our attack on the castle.”

“Lucky for you I know where to find him.”

Sirius stared. “Aren’t you just a font of unexpected information. What have you been  _ doing _ for the last two months?”

“Well after I arrived at the Shrieking Shack and concluded that you were dead, I just sat around grieving and feeling sorry for myself for a couple days.”

“Naturally,” said Sirius.

“And then I got to thinking about how our mission could have gone so wrong. How did the man in black know that we had the princess? It didn’t seem like a difficult job when Peter explained it and everything that happened to ruin it seemed incredibly unlikely.”

“Inconceivable, you mean?”

“And I realized that Peter had never told us who had hired us or what the purpose was of kidnapping the princess or why we were going to the Forbidden Forest or why we shouldn’t hide our features so that she couldn’t identify us later.”

“In retrospect that does seem suspicious.”

“So I went to talk to Hagrid, do you remember him?”

“The giant we worked with on that illegal creature breeding job a couple months back?”

“Yes, him. He lives at the edge of the Forbidden Forest; I think we may have been taking the princess to his hut.”

“I’ve been drinking steadily for the past two months and I never listened that closely to Peter to begin with. What exactly was the mission that he laid out?”

“He told us that we were going to the square for the presentation of the princess so that we’d know what she looked like, then abduct her during her ride that evening, then take her on a boat to the cliffs across the Black Lake, then take her to the far edge of the Forbidden Forest where we would get ransom for her.”

“I feel like maybe we should have been asking Peter more questions.”

“It does seem that he took advantage of our loneliness to ensure obedience,” agreed Remus.

“Well he was always able to manipulate people to get what he wanted; he used that to our advantage during many jobs.”

Remus nodded and the two men observed a moment of silence for their late friend. “Anyway,” he continued, shaking himself out of his reminiscences, “Hagrid told me that Peter had contacted him to tell him that there was going to be a big confrontation outside his hut and that he should just stay inside and not let anyone see him. Once the confrontation was finished the three of us would be visiting him for tea.”

“Good thing we missed that; he probably would have served rock cakes.”

“Hagrid then told me that on the day of the kidnapping Prince Half-Blood and Lord Voldemort and some of their guards had showed up outside his hut and were waiting around for a couple hours.”

“So they knew that’s where the princess would be? Like they planned the confrontation with Peter?”

“Evidently. She did eventually show up accompanied by a man dressed in black, according to Hagrid. Then there was a confrontation and she left with the prince willingly but the man in black was incapacitated by Lord Voldemort and was taken.”

“You said you knew where the man in black was now?”

“I’m getting there. The prince released a statement saying that because of the princess’ kidnapping the captain of the guard was hiring more people for his special enforcer squad to increase security during the sixty days of wedding festivities so I came back to the city and got a job. His statement also praised the man in black, saying that he was a sailor who noticed our ship and followed us to save the princess.”

“That he was an ordinary sailor who dabbles in mountain climbing?” Sirius asked incredulously.

“Basically. The prince said that he had been returned to his ship with a reward. But some of the other members of the special enforcer squad were giant gossips and they were the ones who were in the forest with the prince and the lord. That’s how I found out that the Lord Voldemort is noseless; it’s not common knowledge. I also learned that he took the man in black to a secret location following their confrontation.”

“So the man in black is now at this secret location?”

“Yes. Why do you think he’ll be willing to help us?”

“Don’t you think he’ll want revenge on the men who have been keeping him captive? Do you know where the secret location is?”

“Well …” Remus trailed off. “I know its  _ general vicinity _ . We’ll still have to find it when we get there. I’ve been searching the area for a couple days.”

“Why did you do all this? You should have just left for the safety of another kingdom. You could have been identified as one of the kidnappers. They would not have been kind to a werewolf who kidnapped the princess.”

“I had to try to find the man in black to avenge you. And once I found out the the lord was the no-nosed man who killed your brother I knew that I had to kill him for you or die trying.”

“You did all this for me? You were going to kill people for me? You hate killing.” Sirius crossed the room to Remus’ side, seized his hand, pulled him to his feet and embraced him. They had known each other for several years and had never not loved one another deeply but now Sirius knew of Remus’ devotion to him. He vowed to be worthy of him.

“Alright,” said Remus, letting go of Sirius and clearing his throat, “let’s go find the man in black and plan a castle assault.”

**********

Remus led them to a glade on the far eastern border of the castle grounds.

“It’s somewhere around here,” he said. “Can you maybe use some magical means to find it?”

Sirius began using searching spells when a blonde man with pale skin came into the glade pushing a wheelbarrow. Sirius turned his wand on the man.

“Where is the man in black?” he demanded.

“I know no man in black.”

“Asking who he is and where he’s headed might be better questions, Sirius,” supplied Remus. Sirius gestured at the man to answer the questions.

“I am Malfoy the keeper of the Zoo of Death. I am headed to deal with the prisoner.”

“Where is the entrance to this zoo? Where is the prisoner?”

Malfoy gestured at a tree across the glade. The tree appeared almost sentient as it moved. “The entrance is hidden under that tree. The prisoner is on the bottom level. Five levels down.”

“That is a whomping willow,” pointed out Remus. “How are we supposed to get under it?”

“There’s a knot at the bottom that freezes the branches temporarily if you hit it.”

“Thank you,” said Sirius. “ _ Stupefy! _ ”

Remus hesitated. “Why would he tell us the truth so readily?”

“He’s a zookeeper threatened with death. Why would he lie?”

“That doesn’t follow.”

“I know in my heart that the man in black is down there. There is some higher power at work here. Why else would you have found me coincidentally and known about the lord’s existence and known where to find the one man who could help me finally avenge my brother? Everything's coming together after so many years of failure and waiting. I can feel it in my heart that the man in black is down there! I  _ know  _ he is.”

And Sirius was correct in his knowledge. The man in black was down there. But there were many things that Sirius did not know. He did not know that the Zoo of Death had been designed to kill intruders. He did not know that the final horcrux was a venomous snake that was guarding the entrance to the fifth level. He did not know of the dangers that lay between them and the man in black. And he certainly did not know that the man in black was dead.


	8. The Wedding

Sirius and Remus walked cautiously onto the first level of the Zoo of Death. The willow outside had indeed been frozen by prodding the knot with a long stick and underneath they had found a staircase. As soon as they reached to bottom of the staircase the exit under the willow snapped shut and there was the distinct sound of a lock engaging.

“So this feels like a trap,” commented Remus. “We should talk about what our plan is for defending ourselves.”

“What I normally do is sing nervously to myself until the problem gets dealt with.”

“I am completely baffled as to how you’ve survived all these years. How did you hunt the horcruxes if that is your reaction to trouble?”

“It’s amazing what singing ‘Eye of the Tiger’ does to my confidence and ability.”

“Ah, I see,” said Remus amusedly. “Your singing increases your already astronomical self-confidence and then you go charging recklessly into danger?”

“That is my basic method for dealing with panic-inducing situations. I need to pump myself up a little.”

“I guess I can’t really fault it since you are alive. My method for dealing with problems is generally to run away from them.”

The two men were making their way through the first level of the Zoo of Death. Cages along one wall housed small magical species such as nifflers, bowtruckles and kneazles. Along the other wall were samples of plants like gillyweed and fanged geraniums. There was a large door at the far end of the hall reading “To Level Two”.

They did not notice the secret doorway hidden behind a tapestry that would have led them down in safety.

They made their way to the door to the next level and went through it. They were looking straight into the eyes of a monstrous dog. It had three heads with three pairs of angry eyes; three noses, twitching in their direction; three mouths, growling around drool hanging from three sets of fangs. The door locked behind them.

Sirius instantly began singing nervously.

From the first notes the beast’s eyes began to droop. Slowly, the dog’s growls ceased until it slumped to the ground, fast asleep.

Sirius and Remus stared at each other in shock. As soon as Sirius stopped singing the dog growled and twitched so he began to sing again. The dog fell back into its deep sleep.

Remus looked around the room until he spotted a trap door that the dog had been guarding. Gesturing to Sirius to follow him, he opened the door and went down the ladder. Sirius followed quickly, slamming the trap door closed behind them. They could hear the dog waking up and growling and barking after them.

“I can’t believe that your method of _singing at danger_ worked,” gasped Remus when they both reached the bottom of the ladder.

“It is fairly inconceivable,” agreed Sirius.

The second level of the Zoo of Death housed slightly more dangerous magical flora and fauna than the previous level. There were hippogriffs, thestrals and mandrakes. They cautiously made their way towards the door labelled “To Level Three”.

The door opened to show a dark twisting staircase.

“ _Lumos!_ ” Sirius cast. His wand tip lit up but when he took the first step down it immediately extinguished itself.

“No light?” asked Remus. “That’s comforting.”

“And not at all worrying,” said Sirius. “I guess there’s nothing to do but keep going down.”

They walked down the stairs cautiously in the pitch black. Suddenly Remus felt tendrils twist around his arms and legs. He immediately began struggling against the restraint; attempting to use his strength to rip the vines apart. The more he struggled the tighter he was held.

“I know exactly what this is, Remus,” said Sirius sounding surprisingly calm, “and you need to stop struggling. Your struggling is making it hold us both tighter. It will loosen its grip if you relax. I have a plan. Trust me, I would never lead you astray.”

Remus stopped struggling against the plant and its grip started to loosen, which allowed Sirius to cast a fire spell at it. Then they were able to rush through the door at the bottom of the stairs unhindered.

“I’m so relieved that worked,” sighed Sirius. “I mean, I was _pretty_ sure that it was Devil’s Snare, but it would have been pretty embarrassing if it was some other plant or animal that was able to kill us because I told you to stop struggling.”

“You lied to me is what you’re saying. ‘I know exactly what this is, Remus.’ Ha! My only friend in all my life turns out to be a liar.”

“Now who’s being dramatic?” asked Sirius. “You can’t actually be annoyed with me? One lie in all our years together! That’s not such a terrible average when you consider that it saved our lives. It wasn’t even a complete lie! It was a slight exaggeration.”

“It’s the principle of the thing,” huffed Remus and started to cross the hallway of the third level. This level housed mainly poisonous items of Snape’s collection, including Ashwinders, Fire Crabs and even a Venomous Tentacula.

“Look! That plant has tentacles; it could have been the one attacking us,” Remus said, pointing at the Venomous Tentacula.

“If that had been the plant attacking us, we would have died from being poisoned so it wouldn’t have mattered if you stopped struggling or not.”

“Whatever,” said Remus, opening the door marked “To Level Four”, “You should have told me the truth.”

“You’re being completely unreasonable -” Sirius cut off his argument when he noticed a fully grown mountain troll was in the room on the other side of the door. It had not noticed them yet as it wandered around slowly. “Trolls are immune to magic,” he whispered to Remus, trying to not to draw the troll’s attention. “I don’t think my singing plan is going to work this time.”

“I think it will,” Remus whispered back. He pointed to the right. “Go over there and sing.”

“No,” said Sirius. “I’ll be defenceless.”

“It needs to be distracted. I have a plan. Trust me, I would never lead you astray,” Remus echoed Sirius’ earlier words.

Sirius shot him an angry look and then began creeping along the wall on the right. Remus started moving slowly along the wall to the left. He gave a signal to Sirius.

Sirius grimaced and started singing. The troll looked up suddenly and began lumbering towards Sirius holding a club. The troll raised his club to hit him when it was attacked suddenly from behind by a wolf. The wolf sunk its teeth into the troll’s wrist and the troll howled with pain, twisted around and dropped its club. The wolf let go and fell to the ground, changing back into Remus. Remus picked up the club and then swung it like a baseball bat towards the troll’s head using all of his strength. The club smacked into the troll’s head with a sickening crack; the troll then swayed on the spot and then fell flat on its face with a thud that made the whole room tremble.

“You used me as bait!” cried Sirius in outrage.

“At least I was honest about it!” argued Remus.

Sirius just glared. “Fine,” conceded Remus. “I promise to completely forgive you for saving my life if you completely forgive me for saving yours?”

Sirius huffed in agreement then they quickly found the trap door exit and went down the ladder to the fourth level.

The fourth level housed some of the most dangerous creatures on the planet. Sirius saw a Chimaera, a Quintaped, a Manticore, and a Lethifold as he hurried by them trying not to be frightened. He cautiously opened the door marked “To Level Five” and peered inside. There was a short, brightly lit, straight staircase.

“This is the worst so far,” said Remus. “At least before we knew there was danger. This looks suspiciously innocent. Where is the danger going to come from?”

They cautiously started down the stairs towards the door at the bottom which had an ornate snake-shaped handle. They didn’t know it would be the handle that killed them.

Nagini was an incredibly intelligent snake. She had been found by Lord Voldemort deep in a magical forest and had been his beloved pet for several years before he turned her into his final horcrux. She now lived in the Zoo of Death, acting as the final guardian against intruders. The door at the bottom of the stairs between the fourth and fifth levels did not have a handle. It simply had a hole that Nagini sat in while twisting her head and upper body into a handle shape. Whoever reached out to open the door would quickly be felled by her venom.

As he walked cautiously down the stairs all the hair on Remus’ body stood up. He couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that death was approaching quickly.

“There’s nothing here, Remus,” said Sirius, sensing Remus’ anxiety and trying to be reassuring.

“There has to be,” argued Remus. “Why would they leave this level unguarded?”

“Maybe they figured that no one could make it this far?” suggested Sirius.

Remus’ disquiet continued to grow as they continued down the stairs. He could feel full blown panic overtake him and so he did what he usually did when he panicked: he ran.

He bolted down the rest of the stairs and hit the door as hard as he could with his body, not bothering with grabbing the handle. The door slammed open and back into the wall behind it with such force that the snake horcrux hiding inside was instantly crushed to death. She fell out of the door and a red mist rose from her body.

Sirius stared at the dead snake in awe, recognizing it as the final horcrux, and then hurried after Remus into the fifth level.

Remus was standing beside a table looking down at the man lying on it. “He’s dead.”

Sirius looked at the man on the table. “That doesn’t look like the man I fought on the cliff. Maybe he’s still around here somewhere?” He started to look around the small room. There was nowhere for another person to be hiding but in a cupboard he found a bundle containing a wooden leg, a magic eye, and a flask. He opened the flask and sniffed. “Polyjuice potion,” he said. “He must have been in disguise when fighting us.” He sat down dejectedly.

It was too unfair. Against all odds he and Remus had found where the man in black was being held. They had made their way unharmed through the Zoo of Death. They had serendipitously destroyed the final horcrux. They had _actually found_ the one man in all the world that could plan their attack but the man was dead. Sirius’ hope for revenge was dead along with him.

“No,” he said suddenly getting to his feet. “I am _Sirius Black_ , heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, last surviving known kin to King Salazar himself, and I do not accept this!” He strode towards the door marked “The Exit Without Traps” and called back to Remus, “Come on. Bring the body.”

“You want me to carry around a corpse?” clarified Remus.

“Yes,” answered Sirius, “because I know where we might be able to find a miracle.”

**********

Nicolas Flamel, aged 656, was enjoying a relaxing mid-morning nap when there came a loud banging on his front door. He almost ignored it, but realized that his house was hidden by a fidelius charm and only people with the trust of Albus Dumbledore, his secret keeper, would be able to find him.

He opened the door to find two men and a body.

“We need a miracle; it’s very important,” said the black-haired man.

“I’ve been retired a very long time,” Nicolas replied. “I’d likely kill whoever you want the miracle for.”

The man gestured to the corpse. “He’s already dead.”

“Ooooo,” breathed Nicolas with interest. “I’m good at dead.” He considered for a couple moments. “Bring him in. I’m not making any promises.”

Remus and Sirius entered Nicolas’ house, and Remus laid the man in black down on the table. Nicolas began to examine the man, muttering to himself, moving the man’s limbs around, and making notes on a little notepad.

Sirius began fidgeting almost immediately. “Sir, we are in a terrible rush,” he said.

“Don’t rush me,” said Nicolas. “If you rush a miracle you get bad results.”

After several more minutes of examination, Nicolas looked up at them. “He’s your friend?” he asked.

“Um ... yes,” said Sirius hesitatingly. He felt it would have been strange to admit that they’d only met once and it was during a duel to the death during which the other man was wearing a disguise. “Yes,” he said again, warming to the topic. “We are best friends. We have known each other since we were children and he’s always been there for me. When I ran away from home he took me into his family. I was best man at his wedding and am godfather to all eleven of his children.”

“Really?” asked Nicolas, incredulously. “What’s his name?”

“His name?” repeated Sirius, ignoring the look that Remus was giving him. “He has a great name. I am going to tell it to you right now. It is … Elvendork.”

"Seriously?" muttered Remus. "You couldn't come up with a single human name?"

Nicolas rolled his eyes. “Well the good news is that he isn’t all the way dead. He’s only _mostly_ dead. So I am able help him. The bad news is that you’re a terrible liar so I’m not going to.”

“What? No!” cried Sirius, “You’ve got to bring him back!”

“Why? People die every day and they stay that way. What’s so special about him?”

Sirius felt that saying “So that he can help me plan a revenge killing” was probably not the right answer, so he tried: “His eleven children will starve without him -”

“More lies!” interrupted Nicolas. “I guess I’ll just have to ask the man himself.”

“He’s dead,” Remus pointed out, speaking to Nicolas for the first time and resolutely avoiding all eye contact with Sirius. “He can’t tell you anything.”

Nicolas just waved a dismissive hand towards him and got his fireplace bellows. He filled the man in black’s lungs with air and then yelled in his ear, “WHAT’S SO IMPORTANT? WHAT’S WORTH COMING BACK FOR?” He then applied pressure under the man’s diaphragm forcing the air back out. “Tr … ooooo … love …”

“There you go!” cried Sirius triumphantly. “True love! What’s a more worthy cause than that?”

“That truly is worthy cause, but I still won’t help you.”

“What? Why not?” demanded Sirius.

“I’m very old,” he started, “and tired. I have to spend all my days hiding here by myself under a fidelius charm because the Prince Half-Blood and the Lord Voldemort would gladly torture me to find out the secrets I have learned about immortality and resurrection. I simply don’t have the will to go on.”

“If you revive this man, he will help me kill Lord Voldemort,” stated Sirius.

“And he’ll stop the prince’s wedding,” added Remus.

“You mean if I bring him back, Lord Voldemort will die? And Prince Half-Blood will suffer?”

“Yes, all that and more,” promised Sirius.

“Now _that’s_ a worthwhile reason! I’m on the case.” He went to his bookshelf, pulled a large tome down, and flipped it open. “I’m a little out of practice, but I think there’s three possibilities. The first is a complicated potion that requires the bone of the father, unknowingly given; the blood of the enemy, forcibly taken; and the flesh of the servant, willingly given.”

“That sounds a little … evil,” said Remus.

“The second option is to feed him unicorn blood. It will return him fully to life; however, he’ll be forced to live a cursed half-life.”

“That sounds even worse.”

“The final option is to make the elixir of life from my Philosopher’s Stone,” said Nicolas. “It’s perfectly safe, with no side effects. It’s the reason that I’ve been able to live such a long life.”

“Let’s do that,” said Sirius.

“That definitely sounds like the best option,” put in Remus. “Why did you even mention the other two?”

“The downside of the elixir of life is that he’s going to be quite weak for awhile. He’ll get an energy bump shortly after taking it, but after about an hour or so he’ll be completely drained and will require a month or so of bed rest to recover. And when I say ‘a bump of energy’ I mean his tongue and his brain should work fine, and maybe he can manage a slow walk if you nudge him in the right direction, but he certainly won’t be storming any castles!” He laughed at his joke. “What do you actually need him for?”

“Well,” said Sirius, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, “first we’re going to storm the castle …”

**********

Sirius and Remus had taken the man in black to the top of the castle wall overlooking the front gate when they decided it was time to give him the elixir of life. They wanted to be as close to the castle as possible so they could take advantage of the full amount of time that his bump in energy would last. Remus propped the man into a sitting position, and tilted back his head to allow Sirius to pour the elixir down his throat.

“How long do you think it’ll be before it works?” asked Remus.

“Your guess is as good as mine,” said Sirius. “We’ll just have to wait -”

He was cut off by the man in black suddenly opening his eyes and saying “You two! You couldn’t beat me alone, so you’ve decided to team up. Well, I beat you both apart, I can beat you both together!”

“You’re alive!” said Remus happily.

“Of course I’m alive,” said the man in black. “What have you done to me? Why won’t my arms move?”

“You’ve been dead,” explained Sirius. “We rescued you from the Zoo of Death and got a resurrection potion for you. It should give you about an hour of strength.”

“What happens after an hour? Do I die again?”

“No, no, you’ll just be sapped of energy,” explained Remus.

“I wish I could remember being dead. I could make a fortune writing a book about it. My legs aren’t working either.”

“That will come, apparently. You should be able to move slowly, soon.”

“The last thing that I remember is being in the zoo and Snape shooting a spell at me. I can’t believe that that greasy-haired slime bucket _killed me._ ” He shook his head. “Are we still enemies? I am the Dread Pirate Moody, but you can call me James. Lily informed me that you’re called Remus, but who are you?”

“I am Sirius Black. Let me explain -” Sirius stopped and shook his head. “No, there is too much. Let me sum up: Lily is set to marry the prince in a little less than half an hour. We need to get into the castle to stop the wedding and to track down Lord Voldemort so that I can kill him.”

“What are our liabilities?”

“There is only one working castle gate,” said Remus “and it is guarded by approximately one hundred men.”

“Hmmmmm,” James said, wiggling his toes a little as feeling began to return. “And our assets?”

Sirius gestured in a circle to the three of them. “Us,” he said.

“That’s _all?_ ” James asked incredulously. “That’s the grand total of everything we have?”

Sirius puffed up indignantly and Remus rushed to explain. “We’ve been operating under a terrible time pressure. Just yesterday, for example, Sirius was a hopeless drunk and I was trying to track you down to avenge his death.”

“It’s completely hopeless. Impossible!” cried James.

“You will think of something,” Remus comforted him. “We have complete faith in you.”

“You can’t give up yet. We bravely fought through the Zoo of Death to rescue you and then _brought you back from the dead!_ ” exclaimed Sirius.

“Maybe if I had a month to plan …” said James. “But, no, everything is awful. This is just the worst. Leave me alone to die.” He flopped down dramatically.

“You just moved your own body,” pointed out Remus trying to cheer James up. “Doesn’t that up your spirits?”

“My brains, your strength, and his magic against one hundred men? And you think a little motor control is supposed to make me happy? I’m lying here helpless while my True Love marries my murderer. Death would be preferable.”

“I just know that once you’re over these emotional outbursts you’ll come up with an amazing plan,” said Remus encouragingly.

“And what if Lily doesn’t even want me to stop the wedding? She made the choice in the forest to honour her agreement with the prince.”

“She was probably just trying to save your life,” said Remus. “Which, yes, backfired horribly. But you can’t let her get married under false pretences. She probably doesn’t know that her fiancé is a lying murderer.”

James pondered for couple minutes. “If we just had a wheelbarrow, that would be something!”

“Malfoy had a wheelbarrow,” said Sirius. “It’s still on the castle grounds; we can get it.”

“Then why didn’t you list that among our assets in the first place?” James asked sourly. He started tapping his fingers together, thinking. “Do we have a map of the castle?”

Remus pulled one out of his cloak. “I thought it may come in useful.”

“I met a cartographer on the south border of Ravenclaw who showed me a useful spell for tracking living people on a map,” James said. He explained the spell to Sirius who cast it. Tiny ink footprints, each set labelled by a name, began appearing on the map.

“Did you happen to get my belongings from the Zoo of Death? It would be incredibly useful to have the wooden leg, magic eye, and polyjuice potion,” asked James.

“Yes,” answered Remus. “We have your wand, too.”

“Oh, good give me my wand. I’ll need it eventually,” said James.

Sirius handed it over. “Why?” he asked. “You don’t have enough energy to do any magic, anyway.”

“True, but it’s not like that is common knowledge.”

“Oh, that just gave me the greatest idea for a prank,” said Sirius.

“Focus,” admonished Remus.

“Okay, I’m beginning to get an idea,” said James. He sighed, “What I wouldn’t give for an invisibility cloak!”

“Will this one do?” asked Sirius, taking an invisibility cloak out from under his cloak.

Remus was flabbergasted. “Where …?”

“Flamel just handed it over when we were leaving. It had a note pinned to it that read ‘Use it well’.”

“I think it will be best to try to make the guards leave rather than kill them all,” said James. “So I think one of us will have to take the polyjuice potion and be disguised as “Mad-eye” Moody. It can’t be me, I don’t have the energy for it.”

“I would really rather look like myself when getting my revenge on Voldemort,” put in Sirius.

Both James and Sirius then turned to Remus with identical cajoling looks on their faces. Remus sighed, “What have I gotten myself into?”

“I think the guards will be very frightened if the Dread Pirate Moody was hovering threateningly towards them proclaiming that he will leave no survivors,” said James. “We’ll put you in the wheelbarrow, and Sirius can push you. He’ll be covered by the cloak so it will look like you’re propelled by magic!”

“What’s to stop them from from shooting me with arrows? Or just running up and stabbing me?”

“They’ll be super frightened. And even more frightened when the Dread Pirate Moody suddenly turns into a werewolf!”

“Werewolves tend to cause people to get torches and pitchforks,” said Remus.

“But then the Dread Pirate Werewolf will suddenly catch fire! And still advance menacingly!”

“You are _not_ setting me on fire,” said Remus flatly.

“Oh it won’t be too bad,” said Sirius. “I can just place a flame freezing charm on you first and then the flames will just feel like they’re tickling you.”

“You’re on his side? I’m supposed to just trust you to _set me on fire?_ ”

“Everyone will run away in panic and fear and we’ll be free to enter the castle. Then, using this map, we’ll be able to track down both Lily and Voldemort. This is a great plan,” said James.

“I hate this plan. I think it has several flaws,” argued Remus.

“Don’t be so critical; he’s been dead,” said Sirius. “It’s the only plan we have.”

“Alright,” cheered James, happy now that he had a plan. “Go team! Do we need nicknames? I think we need nicknames.”

“Ooooo,” said Sirius happily, “we absolutely do.”

“No,” said Remus. Both of the other men turned to him with wounded expression on their faces. He sighed heavily. “Okay,” he relented, “but later. We’re really running short on time.”

“You’re right, Dread Pirate Werewolf,” said Sirius.

“It’s almost time to set you on fire,” added James.

Remus rolled his eyes and considered that it may have been a mistake to let the two of them team up.

**********

Lily was incredibly calm even though her forced wedding to Severus Snape was beginning. She knew that she would be leaving the castle with James.

Snape indicated to the officiant that he should begin the ceremony. It was then that the screaming and chaos started outside the castle gate.

Lily smiled. _Here comes James now_ , she thought.


	9. The Honeymoon

Lily did not listen to the officiant. Once the panic and screaming had begun, Snape had motioned for Lord Voldemort to go deal with the problem. Snape was attempting to hurry the ceremony along.

“I don’t know why you are bothering,” Lily said. “James has come for me and I will not be marrying you.”

“Your James is dead,” said Snape triumphantly. “I killed him myself.”

Lily faltered and for the first time that evening doubt about James entered her mind. Then she steeled herself. “Death cannot stop True Love,” she said simply.

Snape huffed angrily. “Skip to the end,” he commanded the officiant. “ _ Now. _ ”

“I proclaim you man and wife,” said the confused officiant.

“Take her to her chambers,” Snape commanded his guards. “I will go see what this commotion is about.”

**********

James’ plan had surprisingly gone off without a hitch. James had found it easier to walk along behind the wheelbarrow carrying Remus in his stag form; although he was slightly shaky on his legs, like Bambi learning to walk, he found that it was easier to balance.

Once all the guards had fled in terror, he changed back into human form and met with Sirius and Remus at the gate. Remus forced the gate open and they made their way into the castle.

“Where to now?” asked Sirius, as James had the map.

Before James could answer, Lord Voldemort and four guards rounding the corner and advanced on them. The Lord Voldemort stared at them in shock; he was certain that James had been killed earlier. “Kill the pirate and the magic user,” he instructed his guards, “but leave the man in black for questioning.” But he was too late, as all of the guards had already been stunned by Sirius.

“Hello,” he said to the no-nosed man. “My name is Sirius Black. You killed my brother. Prepare to die.”

And in reply, Lord Voldemort did a genuinely remarkable and unexpected thing: he turned and ran.

Sirius stood in shock for several moments before recollecting himself and giving chase. The lord made it to a doorway, slammed the door and locked it. “ _ Alohomora! _ ” Sirius attempted to cast the unlocking spell at the door, but it did not work. He began charging into the door, attempting to break it down.

“REMUS!” he called desperately. “Remus, break the door down!”

Remus was currently at the far end of the hallway accompanying and guarding James, as was his task for this part of the plan.

“Remus, he’s getting away from me! Remus, please, I  _ need  _ you!” cried Sirius.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” Remus told James and then ran up the hallway to the locked door. It took him three tries to break through it.

Sirius gave a happy yell and charged off through the door. “Go back to help James!” he called back to Remus.

Remus hurried back down the hallway to where he had left James, only James was no longer in sight. The hallway split into three corridors and without the map Remus had no way of knowing where James had gone. He picked one of the corridors at random and rushed along it searching for James.

**********

Sirius was gaining. He could see flashes of the fleeing man in front of him and through every room they ran he was getting closer until he finally cornered him.

“Hello,” he said, running into the room. “My name is Siri-”

He was cut off by the no-nosed lord crying out “ _ Crucio! _ ”

Sirius screamed and fell to the floor writhing. The pain was beyond imaginable. He could not defend against this. He had failed Regulus. “I’m … sorry …” he choked out.

Lord Voldemort lifted the curse and examined the man panting on the floor with interest. “You’re that little Black brat that I taught a lesson to all those years ago,” he said incredulously. “It’s simply incredible. Have you been chasing me all these years only to fail now? I think that’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard; how marvellous.”

“... my name is … Sirius … killed … brother … prepare …” Sirius whispered.

The no-nosed man laughed cruelly and shot a cutting curse towards Sirius. 

Sirius weakly deflected it. “... hello … my name is … Sirius Black; you killed … my brother; prepare to die.”

Lord Voldemort took a step backwards and aimed another curse towards Sirius. It was again deflected and Sirius rose to his feet. “Hello, my name is Sirius Black; you killed my brother; prepare to die.”

The lord tried to send another  _ Crucio _ towards Sirius, but he ducked it and then was on the offensive. “Hello, my name is Sirius Black; you killed my brother; prepare to die.”

Curse after curse raining down on Lord Voldemort as he retreated and attempted to block them all. “Hello, my name is Sirius Black; you killed my brother; prepare to die.”

“Stop saying that!” cried the no-nosed man.

“HELLO. MY NAME IS SIRIUS BLACK. YOU KILLED MY BROTHER. PREPARE TO DIE!”

Sirius shouted “ _ Expelliarmus! _ ” just as Voldemort cried “ _ Avada kedavra! _ ”

The two spells hit each other in mid-air and joined together, attaching Sirius’ wand to Voldemort’s by a narrow beam of golden light. Sirius began focusing all his energy on forcing the spells now suspended in between their wands towards the lord.

“You can’t kill me!” cried the no-nosed man. “I am immortal!”

“Because of the locket?” Sirius gritted out. “The locket and the ring and the diary and the diadem and the cup and the snake? Those are gone; I’ve destroyed them all!”

Blank shock showed on Voldemort’s face. The spells were almost back at his wand now.

Sirius grinned triumphantly. “Offer me money,” he demanded.

“Everything.”

“Power too. Promise me that.”

“All I have and more. Please.”

“Offer me anything I ask for.”

“Anything.”

“I WANT MY BROTHER BACK, YOU SON OF A BITCH!” Sirius yelled, just as the two spells reached Lord Voldemort’s wand and hit him.

Voldemort hit the floor with a mundane finality, his body feeble and shrunken, his eyes vacant and unknowing.

Sirius panted and looked down at him. “No one will mourn you,” he spit. “And in a short time no one will remember you. You are nothing.”

Sirius then ran back through the castle hoping to find Remus and James. 

**********

When Lily reached her chambers she had come to a decision. If James hadn’t come for her then she would have to go to him. She wasn’t sure how she would get past the prince and his guards but she was sure she’d come up with something. Her plans were interrupted by the presence of James lying on her bed.

“James!” she cried happily and rushed towards him. “Are you angry at me for getting married?”

“You’re not married,” assured James. “Did you say ‘I do’?”

“Well, no,” admitted Lily. “We skipped that part. The officiant did proclaim us man and wife though.”

“If you didn’t say it, you didn’t do it. Don’t you agree, Snivellus?” he addressed the prince who had just entered the room.

“That will be rectified after you are dead,” said Snape. “I obviously killed you too quickly last time, a mistake I won’t be repeating. I am certainly not going to let Lily -”

“Let me?” cried Lily. “ _ Let me? _ ”

She got up off the bed and started advancing on Snape angrily. “Let’s get one thing straight,” said Lily. “ _ I do not belong to you. _ I do not belong to  _ anyone. _ You have no say what I do or who I do it with!”

“I just meant -” said Snape, backtracking.

“You act as though I owe you something, but I don’t. I can choose who I want to be with!”

“And you choose Potter?” demanded Snape. “Just because everyone thinks he’s so great? An arrogant, self-important bully is what he truly is, why can’t you see that?”

“I’ll admit he was a bully when he was younger, but he’s become a better man. Why do you think you’re better than him? You fool around with dark magic. That’s  _ evil. _ You threatened to kill me! You  _ murdered _ the man I love! You’ve had your chance to be a better man, too, but you’ve ignored it. We’re leaving now and you can’t do anything about that.”

Snape raised his wand at Lily. “You’re not going anywhere!”

James slowly raised himself from the bed and pointed his wand at Snape. “Drop. Your. Wand,” he commanded.

With Snape distracted, Lily grabbed his wand, snapped it, and then punched him in the face. She then shoved him into a chair and began restraining him.

“I am going to hunt you down,” started Snape.

“You will do no such thing,” snapped Lily contemptuously. “You’ve chosen your way, I’ve chosen mine, and I never want to see you again.”

There was movement in the doorway and then Sirius was there. He surveyed the room. “Where’s Remus?”

“Isn’t he with you?” James said. “Did you kill the no-nosed man?”

“I did,” answered Sirius. “We really need to find Remus, what if he’s been captured?”

James took out the map to have a look and Sirius continued lamenting. “He’s probably lost and miserable and frightened without me.”

“He’s out in the garden,” said James.

“There’s a staircase that leads out there,” said Lily, leading the way.

They made their way out into the garden where they found Remus with four horses.

“Oh,” Remus said in surprise, “here you all are. I got separated from James and when I was looking for him I came across the stables and I figured that we’d need horses to escape on once we found Lily - hello, Lily - and now you’ve found me.”

“That’s a good plan, Remus,” said Sirius proudly.

“It’s lacking a little in fire and terror, but really good overall,” admitted James.

“Where are we headed?” asked Lily.

“My ship, the  _ Marauder _ , is docked about a day’s ride from here. I’m probably going to need one of you to support me, before long. I can feel my burst of energy waning.” James said as they began to gallop away from the castle.

“How are you feeling?” Remus asked Sirius, taking in the other man’s pensive expression.

“I’m okay,” answered Sirius. “It’s just that my whole life I’ve had a mission and now it’s over. I’ve finally avenged Regulus. I’m just not sure what I’ll do now.”

“You’d make a wonderful pirate,” put in James. “I think we all make a good team.”

“Yes,” agreed Remus. “We do make a good team.”

“Oh, and we can finally decide our nicknames!” said Sirius excitedly.

“I guess we’re doomed, then,” said Lily.

“Doomed?” asked James.

“To be pirates together until we die.”

“Well I’ve already died once and I don’t plan to do it again anytime soon,” said James.

“Good,” said Lily. “I forbid it.”

James smiled. “As you wish.” 


End file.
